Balls Up 2026 * * Stars

FOUL BALLS

2026's Balls Up is like a lukewarm version of a Harold & Kumar caper, complete with moments of surrealism, stimulant use, and good old social folly. I mean it follows the misadventures of two sad sacks, bumbling through Brazil while not taking themselves (or their audience) very seriously. Brad Lewison (played by Mark Wahlberg) and Elijah DeBell (played by Paul Walter Hauser) are said sad sacks and you wouldn't want to spend time alone with them let alone go anywhere with them. Their characters come off like a couple of clods who are well, each other's only friend. 

So yeah, let's get back to the movie as a whole shall we. Balls Up is touted as an action slash comedy pic yet the action is meh and the comedy is well, blah. A diegesis that lives in a fantasyland, tons of locales and conventional notions, Paul Hauser's Elijah covering his guarding flask with a rubber (ugh), advanced condoms and the World Cup (uh, awkward). Yeah "Balls" gets points for novelty but minuses for not having the viewer actually care what happens to any persona involved. "What just happened?" Yup, my point exactly.

All in all, Balls Up is helmed by funnyman director Peter Farrelly and distributed by Prime Video. Its title refers to a full coverage prophylactic that sheaths both organs in the nether region (yikes). Look for the driest of humor, some nifty locusts, some stoner flick allusions, and side character trouper Sasha Baron Cohen acting like well, Sasha Baron Cohen. 

So OK, in past reviews via the career of Mark Wahlberg, I've always mentioned that now he's gotten to the point where he only does films for his family or for his sheer amusement, not for the notion of total and complete virtue. "Balls" falls sadly into that cinematic category. Bottoms "up."  

Written by Jesse Burleson

Michael 2026 * * * Stars

"YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER PART OF ME"

I've always considered Michael Jackson's Off the Wall to be even better than his Thriller album. I'm serious. I mean Off the Wall's got some righteous jams with "Rock with You", "Girlfriend", and "Burn This Disco Out." With 2026's Michael, Jackson's Thriller instead gets a much bigger spotlight. And when Jackson's real-life nephew Jaafar Jackson channels Thriller's massive hits ("Beat It", "Billie Jean"), he gets the moves and the grooves of his legendary uncle just right. "I knew you were different the moment you were born." Uh, duh. 

Anyway is Michael the best musical biopic of this year or any other year? Not quite, maybe this year so far. I mean the 128-minute running time flies by, giving the audience an almost extended rock concert that tends to wander from intended drama to fan-made fandom. And is Michael dark and brooding like most historical pics about fabled pop singers? Sometimes, in fits and starts. Otherwise you're watching Jackson sing and sing and dance and sing, giving new meaning to the term "don't stop 'til you get enough" (hint hint). 

Helmed by normal action guru Antoine Fuqua and distributed by good old Lionsgate, Michael chronicles Jackson's life from his early childhood in The Jackson 5 to the late 80s where the dude dominated his Bad tour. The performances are solid (especially Colman Domingo as meddling father Joe Jackson), the sense of time and place is adequate, and Jaafar Jackson (mentioned earlier) scarily mimics his late family member to a tee and yeah, that's a good thing. 

Yup, if you grew up listening to Jackson and followed his plights (I did and actually saw him at the Victory Tour circa 1984), then Michael may kind of feel like a bloated wiki entry only boosted by Fuqua's glitzy, well-paced, and vigorous direction. If you're young and part of a new generation of listening to Michael Jackson's ditties, well you'll instead be entertained as all get-out while even finding out something new about the so-called "King of Pop." "You are not alone." Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Thrash 2026 * * 1/2 Stars

"SMILE YOU SONS OF A...!"

"Here they come!" Yup, we're talking about evil marine life in a vehicle that stars unknowns Phoebe Dynevor, Whitney Peak, Amy Matthews, and Oscar nominee Djimon Hounsou (uh, paycheck alert). 

So OK, a small South Carolina town and its townspeople have to survive a tropical cyclone, the vigor of glut water, and the swarming sharks that come with it. That's the gist of Thrash (see first paragraph), a flick that tries to one-up or I guess update 2018's The Hurricane Heist without damaging "Heist's" weak repute, chintzy demur, and flash in the pan pandering. "I can't imagine the dangers they're facing." Uh ditto bro. Ditto on the real. 

Anyway I'm a sucker for movies where the beer and pizza element is involved, the cinematic cheese is profuse, and cult status is attained without waiver. And while Thrash isn't quite in those proverbial leagues, it's certainly not the worst pic about selachians on the prowl ever made. I mean if you throw in a little Spielbergian magic from time to time, some nasty great white vetoes, and a few scenes with the prophetic Hounsou things can't be that bad right? Right?

Blood Diamond co-stars, needle-like teeth, and veritable schmaltz aside, do I plan on recommending Thrash and its overly cocky title? Almost. I mean the special effects are passable, the camp constituent is harmless and manifest, and the moments of pitfall might get your heart rate up if you've never seen a Jaws fleece before. The problems I have are the second-rate acting, the somewhat cursory characters, the overthinking by director Tommy Wirkola in terms of cuts, and Wirkola's obsession with overhead shots to the point where he exploits a woman giving birth on a floating bed with plasma totally gushing out (and in the middle of a storm). Yikes! "Tossed about." 

Written by Jesse Burleson