Being Eddie 2025 * * Stars

ED TV

2025's Being Eddie is like a vitalizing conch to pump Eddie Murphy up. I mean it's akin to all Ed's buds and cronies being life coaches to a dude that was once the box office, cream of the crop via the 1980s. In "Being", Murphy gives interviews from his lux mansion as he chills, spouting cuss words and projecting his always-in-character shtick. "I've done so many different types of things." Well Murph, add a 103-minute documentary to that almighty list. 

So yeah, let's get back to this thing as a whole shall we. Being Eddie is similar to a tribute video except Eddie is actually there to happily defend himself as opposed to the latter (I'm talking to you Richard Linklater). A film career archive here, an account from Murphy's acting colleagues there, Ed doing ventriloquist stuff a la Richard Pryor and the "Cos" from his kick-arse abode. Yeah "Being" is laid-back as all get out, sort of related to a Jerry Maguire paean except we're praising SNL's favorite son and not good old "TC". 

Now do I plan on recommending Being Eddie with its diverting way of showing us the walk of life of a screen legend that we already knew existed? I mean it's decent stuff but nah, not quite, nada. There's a hint of vanity going on here, a smidgen of intentional swagger (even though the Murph man was not a producer or any help behind the scenes). Um, I was a huge fan of Eddie Murphy back in the "Decade of Greed". I've seen Beverly Hills Cop and Beverly Hills Cop II so many times it would make your head spin. I don't really need something pasted together over a bromantic weekend with Ed's crew to tell me what I already could register. Mixed state of "being". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

My Top 10 Holiday Movies of All Time (2025 Reissue)

1. Scrooge 1951 * * * * Stars
    Director: Brian Desmond Hurst
    Rated G
    Cast: Alastair Sim, Jack Warner,
    Kathleen Harrison

The Alpha and Omega of holiday films with Alastair Sim fitting the role of grumpy miser Scrooge like a smooth Isotoner glove. This is the purest and most nostalgic entry of Dicken's classic tale that I can remember. This timeless story was remade countless times but never reached the emotional heights that director Brian Desmond Hurst's 1951 classic did.

2. Catch Me If You Can 2002 * * * * Stars
    Director: Steven Spielberg
    Rated PG-13
    Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks

Not necessarily a movie made about Christmas but its key scenes take place during that yule tide holiday. Leonardo DiCaprio, as bank forger Frank Abagnale, is in top form. Spielberg's direction is perfect. Overall, this is compulsively watchable stuff.

3. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
    1987 * * * 1/2 Stars
    Director: John Hughes
    Rated R
    Cast: John Candy, Steve Martin

Even though Thanksgiving has come and gone, it doesn't matter. This is still top notch holiday fare with two brilliant comedic actors giving the performances of their lives. Part dramedy, part road trip movie, and totally quotable, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles will make you laugh throughout. It will also leave you with a lump in your throat at the end.

4. Nothing Like the Holidays 2008 * * * Stars
    Director: Alfredo De Villa
    Rated PG-13
    Cast: Debra Messing, Freddy Rodriguez,
    Jay Hernandez

Ever since 2009, I make it a habit to watch this film at least three to four times in the month of December. It was shot about 10 miles from where I live, and it's a fine mixture of ensemble comedy and dramatic grievances involving a tight knit Puerto Rican family. They all get together for a bitingly cold Christmas break in Chicago's Humboldt park neighborhood. Very likable cast with every character having their own feasible back story. It's one of those flicks where if you live in Chicago, you say "oh yeah I've been there, I've driven down that street." Very authentic take on the Windy City locales.

5. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 1989
    * * * Stars
    Director: Jeremiah Chechik
    Rated PG-13
    Cast: Chevy Chase, Beverly D'Angelo

Chevy Chase as bumbling family man Clark W. Griswold, gave his last credible performance in National Lampoon's take on nutty holiday cheer. A lot of gags are taken to the extreme and the scene where he puts Christmas lights on every single inch of his house, is something only his character would ever think of doing. Revolting cousin Eddie (Randy Quiad) shows up halfway in to add to the silliness. All and all, a sloppily made comedy that I initially thought had worn out its welcome. With every subsequent viewing, I changed my mind. A classic!

6. Scrooged 1988 * * * Stars
    Director: Richard Donner
    Rated PG-13
    Cast: Bill Murray, Karen Allen

Highly dark and satirical take on Charles Dicken's legendary tale. This time it's set in the 1980s with funnyman Bill Murray giving a quintessential "Bill Murray" type performance. Funny, cynical, with great one liners. Certain scenes however, might be too intense for younger viewers to take. Overall, if you like Murray's smarmy style of delivering dialogue, Scrooged will not disappoint.

7. A Christmas Story 1983 * * * Stars
    Director: Bob Clark
    Rated PG
    Cast: Peter Billingsly, Darren McGavin,
    Melinda Dillon

This is a silly, little comedy that turned into a Christmas cult classic. Peter Billingsly plays Ralphie, a impressionable young boy who only wants a BB gun for his under-the-tree present. A Christmas Story is told from his point of view. With memorable lines and some quirky characters, it's an addictive film you can watch relentlessly. Case in point: on TBS, this thing is shown 24 hours a day on the 24th and 25th of December.


8. A Christmas Carol 1938 * * * Stars
    Director: Edwin L. Marin
    Rating: Not Rated
    Cast: Reginald Owen, Gene Lockhart

Came before the Alastair Sim version but for some reason, is not as credible in terms of acting, directing, and conviction of the story. Still, it's entertaining enough in a lightweight sort of way. There is actually a color version of this film that is sometimes shown on network television. Overall, good fluff but the ending is short and by the book. It's not as invigorating as 1951's  masterpiece.


9. Just the Way You Are 1984 * * * Stars
    Director: Edouard Molinaro
    Rated PG
    Cast: Kristy McNichol, Kaki Hunter

The main reason why I put this film on the list is that it just reminds me of Christmas in general. It doesn't really involve the holidays, but it was on cable in the 80s and I must have watched it with my parents about a million times. Yes, it involves snow and skiing (in the French Alps), but mainly it's a love story about a woman with a handicapped leg who goes overseas to hide it and find Mr. Right. Honestly, nothing much goes on in this thing. However, it now reminds me of a certain time and place (December of 1985) so I'll just throw it in.


10. Prancer 1989 * * * Stars
      Director: John D. Hancock
      Rated G
      Cast: Sam Elliott, Cloris Leachman

Prancer was filmed about 20 minutes from where I grew up. It's mildly entertaining and it's significant because every time I pass through Three Oaks, MI, I wonder how many of the townspeople own a DVD copy of it. Made over 35 years ago, the small Midwest town just mentioned, hasn't changed a bit. And even if you know that Santa Claus is a hoax, you'll still go along with this fable about a young girl's fascination with a wounded reindeer.

List compiled by Jesse Burleson

The Carmen Family Deaths 2025 * * * Stars

MENAGE PLAN

The Carmen Family Deaths has to do with a boy with autism and killings and family conflicts and inherited wealth oh my! It's sort of an enigma wrapped inside a riddle which is wrapped inside a poser, with main, mythical antagonist Nathan Carman appearing like a rather neutered, Keyser Soze squib. "The lack of things that were done raised questions." Are you sure about that boss? Are ya really? 

Anyway The Carmen Family Deaths is directed by Yon Montskin, a feature rookie who knows how to haunt his audience through overhead shots, archives, grainy interviews, ominous music, and effective, headlong editing. His film is a docu yet plays out like a Dateline episode with tons of panache. Josh Mankiewicz isn't hosting, Lester Holt isn't leading, this isn't TV swipe and well, that just makes it more efficacious, more Dateline-ish on the Netflix tip.

So OK, what is "Family Deaths" about? Well it has to do with a wealthy New England kid (Nathan Carman mentioned earlier) who just happens to be the prime murder suspect in the disappearance of his mom and the brutal shooting of his real estate developer grandfather. Now did Nate do these heinous crimes? And why is his fam so house divided? And um, why is he so darn stoic? Uh, we'll never know because Carman eventually offed himself in prison, awaiting his forlorn trial. 

The Carmen Family Deaths, yeah it comes off like pure fiction, shot so cleanly with such an unsullied print that every scene almost feels like a reenactment and/or something English helmer Paul Greengrass would have done back in the mid-2000s. As a documentary it's reality legal show smoke with a silver screen oddity. As a film of factual prose and bedeviled plotting it comes on like gangbusters in the Greek tragedy department. ""Deaths gripped". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

The Perfect Neighbor 2025 * * 1/2 Stars

DON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR 

The Perfect Neighbor is a true to life documentary only made more true to life by the fact that there's actual bodycam footage involved. That's right, no cheesy reenactments here, just the real deal kiddies. I mean it's rare that said footage could carry the diegesis of a 97-minute film on the real. With "Neighbor" you wonder how director Geeta Gandbhir did it, how she took I guess found, raw material and made it non-repetitive, non-humdrum, like an endless river. "What's the address of the emergency?" Uh, what emergency. Seriously.

Anyway The Perfect Neighbor is shot in the order of trivial incidences that lead to a sad tragedy at the end. It is edited well, with a little tension that seems to ratchet up every 20-minute interval or so. What hampers the film however is the fact that it's all so cut and dried when it could have delved so much deeper. A woman (Susan Lorincz) makes multiple 911 calls about her neighbors and their kids only to eventually shoot one of them dead through her front door. Yeesh! Lorincz eventually goes to trial and then prison and that's it, movie over, total ball game. I mean you take away Florida's stand-your-ground laws and I'm not sure what statement helmer Gandhir is trying to make here. No come to fruition moment, no revelation, just remnants of a standard, reality legal show sans creeper Keith Morrison at the wheel. 

Cray cray residents, Canadian broadcasters, and Sunshine State locales aside, "Neighbor" is like watching an episode of Cops mixed with The Blair Witch Project and an elongated two-part-er of Dateline, blender style. It's involving, with some ominous moments but seems like a rather lukewarm tribute to the lady who got killed at the hands of Susan Lorincz (that would be Ajike Owens). Pitchy "perfect". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Who Killed the Montreal Expos? 2025 * 1/2 Stars

GROUNDOUT

I read somewhere on the Internet that the Montreal Expos stopped being the Montreal Expos in 2005. Um, that's like twenty years ago. I mean since then we've had the rise of social media, the 2008 financial crisis, COVID, and the emergence of the iPhone. And people are well, still bringing up those 'Spos, an MLB team that won 1 division title in 25 years and had a bunch of losing seasons. "Montreal is a baseball city". Uh, you really think so Pedro Martinez? Really?

Anyway Who Killed the Montreal Expos? is my latest write-up, a documentary that seems constructed accidentally by a hyena who wandered into the editing room amped up on angel dust. Basically what I'm saying is this thing is fast-paced to the point where its cinematic form is nearly butchered. No real coda, no first act, no cogent spiel, just a lot of Expos particulars thrown at the screen like splatter paintings. "It started to fall apart". Yeah absotively boss. Absotively. 

Directed by TV vet Jean-Francois Poisson and rather blinkered when it comes to the opinions of Expos fans almost everywhere, Who Killed the Montreal Expos? is well, about the downfall of said team and how they left "The Land of Maple" to head to good old Washington, D.C. to become the Washington Nationals (how random is that?). 

Lots of archives on and off the celluloid faster than a speeding bullet. A lot of bad translation voices over the French-spoken interviews without the use of subtitles. A sort of soap-boxed, one-sided view from the denizens of Montreal, blaming the world for the Expos not being a franchise anymore. And this despite the fact that the owners were bad with money, the stadium stunk up the joint, and um, the first Major League Baseball team outside the US couldn't win Jack "you know what". I mean this film shouldn't be titled Who Killed the Montreal Expos? I think it should be titled an elongated, "Who Really Caaaares". Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Roofman 2025 * * * Stars

SAWTOOTH ROOF

Jeffery Manchester gets caught by the po-po after robbing a McDonald's. Jeffery escapes prison and hides out in a Toys "R" Us as he noshes on peanut M&M'S. Jeffery befriends a single mom and bible thump-er while being a fugitive. Jeffery Manchester attempts to leave the country under a new identity for 50k. Yup, that's the gist of Roofman, a moderate drama that I initially thought was an unconventional comedy. Whatevs. I mean don't let the poster fool ya, this isn't 1991's Career Opportunities people. 

The real-life Manchester, well he's played by Channing Tatum in probably his most raw and layered performance to date. Tatum's Jeffery is a smart dude but a lousy criminal. He's solid at evading the law but bad when he actually gets caught. Jeffery loves his "B and E's" by entering rooftops but sometimes goes to the wrong proprietorship. Yikes! Yeah this is a tailored role for the 45-year-old, Alabama native what with all his physical and mental portraying on display. I mean I can't see anyone else as Manchester except maybe 80s Matt Dillon or 90s Keanu. "But I was good at seeing things". Uh, no doubt Tatum. No doubt my brother. 

True story characters and "cool breezes" aside, Roofman is well directed by Derek Cianfrance, a helmer known for crime and punishment aftermaths. He takes over two hours to commit to every frame while making Jeffery Manchester a sympathetic denizen who's probably better off being behind bars and wearing the almighty jumpsuit than hurting people on the outside. His cast is tops too, with Tatum, Kirsten Dunst as Jeffery's love interest, and LaKeith Steinfield as Steve, an army vet who helps Manchester get into say, illegal witness protection. Meaty script, great narration by Channing, grandiose, situational irony. Roofman, well it raises that aesthetic "roof". Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere 2025 * * * Stars

RADIO SOMEWHERE

Bruce Springsteen creates the album Nebraska from the bedroom of his New Jersey abode. "The boss"  battles depression and meets a pseudo groupie looking for a relationship. Bruce has flashbacks of his alcoholic father and contemplates suicide. Yup, that's the gist of Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere, a somewhat dark drama that's edited choppily yet packs enough of a wallop for any portrait of a rocker that's chock full of inner demons. 

Brucie, well he's played by Jeremy Allen White, a dude that doesn't look or sound like Jersey's favorite son. Oh well. He gets the slouch right, the hair is in place, and the hunch, well it's not too shabby either. "I do know who you are." Duh, who doesn't know who Springsteen is. I mean unless you've been hanging out in an igloo since 1973. 

So yeah, "Deliver" is not really a concert movie so don't expect the bossman to belt out a bunch of hits. This is a character study mind you, a supposed, true story character study that shows Bruce in his brooding element circa 1981-1982. 

Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere, yeah it's directed by Scott Cooper, he of Out of the Furnace and Black Mass fame. Cooper with rack focus, dark hues, and close-ups in tote, makes "Deliver" the product of doom and gloom, the monger of grubby and total slovenly. Heck, whenever I watch his movies I feel like I'm getting off work from an 18-hour steelworker shift only to find myself heading over to the local waterhole to sip a cold brewski. Believe that.

Film-making adroitness and Pennsylvania crime thrillers aside, Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere suffers slightly when it paints Bruce Springsteen as nearly in a brown study with a trifling "whoa is me" persona. Other than that it's well, earthy cinema, a snapshot canvas of a legendary American singer who was once considered the next Bob Dylan. Lighten up "Boss", "Deliver" pretty much "delivers" the goods. Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

John Candy: I Like Me 2025 * * 1/2 Stars

"WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET"

3rd time director (and actor) Colin Hanks helms John Candy: I Like Me. And how it took over thirty years to make a documentary about Candy's short existence is beyond me. "I Like Me" is a portrait of John, one of Canada's most successful comedic talents via film and TV. "This is a guy who, the minute you see his face, you're gonna smile". You tell 'em Dave Thomas. You tell 'em bro.

John Candy: I Like Me, well it's like the most garden variety docu you've ever seen, told chronologically like some bullet point presentation inspired by Last Dance monger and occasional producer Jason Hehir. I mean we know Candy was part owner of the Toronto Argonauts, we know he got his start playing various characters on SCTV, and we know he was a big, lovable galoot who was taken from us much too early (Candy died at age 43 in 1994). So why do we keeping watching the swipe that is "I Like Me?" Well everyone "likes" John Candy and myself, I'm just fascinating by his acting talent in films like Planes, Trains and Automobiles, JFK, and Splash. As Bert Lance said, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it". 

So yeah, John Candy: I Like Me has interviews from John's buds like Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Steve Martin, and the late Harold Ramis. There are also archives from Candy's career in the industry and revelations about his health (Johnny boy lost over 100 pounds before Hollywood encouraged him to put the weight back on, yikes!). What "I Like Me" fails to do however, is bring anything new to the transmission ring. The flick just feels like it's slightly fan-made, kind of akin to some safe paean without the panache. If it wasn't for the way Colin Hanks thinks in cuts or provides the pic with crisp, sprightly editing I would have panned John Candy: I Like Me completely. "Like" it or lump it. Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

My Father, the BTK Killer 2025 * * Stars

KILLER CROC

"Can you imagine finding out that your father is one of the most evil people on earth". That would be totally rough, especially if pops hid that murderous smoke for many decades. Dennis Rader, we hardly knew ya! Ugh.

Anyway My Father, the BTK Killer is a product of good old Netflix, slightly skewed, merely dated, and almost half-done at 93 minutes. I mean this documentary is like two films in one, colliding with each other like freaking passing ships. You have one flick depicting serial slayer Rader, the John Wayne Gacy of Wichita and Park City, Kansas. The other involves Dennis Rader's daughter in one Kerri Rawson, a woman that doesn't know the meaning of time healing all wounds and actual abstemiousness. 

Um, why dredge up the past with one more interview Kerri? And why the need to hug the spotlight of daddy when everyone still keeps giving you the business about it? Rawson's soapbox-like plight combined with law enforcement's relentless pursuit of a deranged lunatic gives "BTK Killer" the feel of being a very uneven viewing experience. "He doesn't just fool an entire family, he fools an entire city". Yikes!

Directed by TV veteran Skye Borgman and released in October of 2025, My Father, the BTK Killer is decently paced, has some eerie moments, some solid interviews, and provides grainy archives from 1974 to 1991 (the years Dennis Rader offed ten people under the radar, nudge nudge). I mean if you take away the presence of drawn-out Kerri Rawson, "BTK Killer" unfolds nicely, like an enthralling Dateline episode a la creep-o Keith Morrison at the helm. But Rawson just has to chew the almighty scenery mind you, inhabiting most of the screen time and eyeing My Father, the BTK Killer like an unintentional vanity enterprise on the low. "Father lasher". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Trainwreck: P.I. Moms 2025 * * Stars

MOMMY DEARESTS 

"Finally, he actually answered." What?? If I'm a private investigator looking to become a star of the next Cold Justice I need a little more smoke than that.

So OK, another tell-all doc, brief, filmed with reenactments like some Unsolved Mysteries episode without the poser. Yeah I'm talking about Trainwreck: P.I. Moms, a Netflix flick so eleventh-hour and pasted together it might as well just float away. So, are the moms in "P.I." looking to grab another fifteen minutes of fame as they take a break from their supposed jobs at Dollar General, Mickey D's, and/or Bird's Nest pub? And does one of said moms have some parlous anger issues? "What is going on?" For 45 minutes, a lot of hot air, a little shenanigans, and some good old claptrap.

So yeah, there's unfocused bits and bobs going on with Trainwreck: P.I. Moms. For realz. I mean this isn't just about some soccer dames who want to be freelance gumshoes with their own reality show on tap. There's corrupt cops involved and whistleblowers and showrunners and drug trafficking oh my! Um, you want your docus going off on tangents and then ending with an abrupt, bestial threat? Do ya? Well "P.I." will provide that fix, like a hyena jonesing for fentanyl. Yikes!

Directed by TV monger Phil Bowman and shot at breakneck speed (that's not always a good thing), Trainwreck: P.I. Moms could've benefited from being longer in length and more attuned to the story of the four ladies who just wanted to be eminent and get their freaking Kardashian on. I mean have you ultimately heard of Amy Wiltz, Denise Antoon, Charmagne Peters, and/or Michelle Allen? Neither have I. Explaining their plight from 2010 in just over a half hour seems like a moot point doesn't it? "Investigator shoaled."

Written by Jesse Burleson

Trainwreck: Balloon Boy 2025 * * * Stars

TRAIN SPOTTING

A documentary that seems to unfold like enigmatic prose in the throes of northern Colorado and on the non-low. Yeah I'm talking about 2025' s Trainwreck: Balloon Boy, one of those short-lived shorts that definitely earns its two-syllable title. I mean is the family involved in "Balloon Boy" pulling a supposed hoax? And is said family a bunch of kooky kooks with potty mouths and recurved teeth? And uh, did people actually enjoy watching a TV show called um, Wife Swap? "This is a very unusual situation". You don't say boss. You don't say. 

So OK, there's a grainy look to "Balloon Boy", some news footage archives that feel mentally involved, and a rather passing running time of 52 minutes that is so prevalent with these so-called Trainwreck anthology endeavors. Basically with Trainwreck: Balloon Boy you're looking at a snapshot, a brief, cinematic abridgment that surprisingly lingers long after the credits roll. You want a 2-hour, feature-length film starring Bryan Cranston as an eccentric dad who makes his kids do spaceship arts and crafts while he gives the impression that he kicked it old school at MIT? Good luck with that chief. Good freaking luck!

Distributed by Netflix because they can and uh, will, Trainwreck: Balloon Boy is about the Heene fam, a husband, wife, and kids who decide to build a homemade flying saucer out of what looks like good old Pop-Tarts foil (lol). Here's the thing: when the saucer in question accidently floats away with what the media thinks is a Heene tyke trapped inside, all controversy and chaos ensue. I mean talk about the ultimate jape my young Padawans. "Balloon Boy", well it excels as a docu that paints sympathy for yet also makes a paradox of the pseudo-protagonists included. It's just polarizing and/or unearthly enough to recommend. Astro "boy".  

Written by Jesse Burleson

Dangerous Animals 2025 * * Stars

SHARK TAILED

"I feel the same about what I do, it's my true calling." What, to feed defenseless women to hungry sharks via the waters of good old Australia? And camcorder-shoot the whole darn thing like you're Federico Fellini on the low? Might wanna question your own soundness pal.

2025's Dangerous Animals, well it's about a serial killer who picks up a surfer who may have different plans other than being maimed by those creepy, long-bodied marine fish (see first paragraph). Said surfer is cutie-pie Zephyr and she is played without reticence by Hassie Harrison, the poor man's lookalike a la Jennifer Lawrence. 

So yeah, "Animals" is in fact a shark flick and just because it includes the hook of some psycho who's Matt Hooper-obsessed with beach beard in tote doesn't mean it's wholly original. Remember Meg 2: The Trench and Deep Blue Sea 3 came out just recently and um, they had credible special effects, not low grant Hitchcockian leavings. 

Starring Harrison (mentioned earlier), Jai Courtney, and Josh Heuston and shot in the Gold Coast near Queensland, Dangerous Animals has some disturbing and compelling moments saddled with a decent soundtrack comprised of punk and classic rock remnants. I mean one might even say there's a serviceable vehicle there for horror enthusiasts so bent on getting their fix they'd see anything blood-soaked in a blackened theater. 

The problem however lies in Sean Byrne's pedestrian direction, his lack of implausibility with his rather pliant characters, and his need to drag out "Animals" to the point where it drains the viewer of any real dramatic momentum. I mean you take out Jai Courtney's solid, transformative performance as evil boat captain Tucker and you're left with a VOD in the Best Buy bin, a Split wannabe that poses as a weak memo in the M. Night Shama Lama Ding Dong canon. "Dangerous grounded."

Written by Jesse Burleson

Terror Comes Knocking: The Marcela Borges Story 2025 * * * Stars

BALANCE OF TERROR

"I know everything about you." Yeah that's a comforting thought, for a sick criminal to know your name, occupation, net worth, address, pregnancy status, etc., etc., etc. Oh and said criminal also plans on killing you whether you meet her freaking demands or not. Like I said, totally comforting, fo sho.  

Anyway 2025's Terror Comes Knocking: The Marcela Borges Story does involve some knocking and ringing, and that's in narrow B&E form, as tension builds inch by inch like the almighty bricks via the Great Wall of Gorgan. What can I say, me loves some unputdownable Lifetime swipe combined with 20/20-like reenactments on the low. 

So yeah, as something about some disguised gunmen who barge into a Florida couple's home and demand $200,000 from them, "Terror Comes Knocking" is akin to stuff like Firewall and 1991's Captive and Funny Games and Mel's Ransom, movies where the bad guys have to act a fool and mess with the sacred loving fam, berating them and threatening them and nearly torturing them. "You think you can lie to me?" Uh no boss. I um, wouldn't dream of it, really! 

Based on a true story in some violent, far-fetched dubious fashion and starring the likes of unknowns Dascha Polanco, Nisa Gunduz, and Johnathan Sousa, Terror Comes Knocking: The Marcela Borges Story is not your typical product of the Lifetime Television Network. How inspiriting. That's thanks to some more effective production values, a thug it out cast, and atmospheric, dense direction by mad dog Felipe Rodriguez, a TV vet doing some very unlike, TV feats. I mean a studio exec could release "Terror Comes Knocking" in say 1000 theaters across the US right now and an audience wouldn't really know the difference between the mercantile and well, the thriller fluff. That's "knocking" down drag out. Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Havoc 2025 * * 1/2 Stars

HARDY AND THE BOYS

A one-word title for a movie (yet again), barbaric, slightly noir-like, made for the done-dirty, blood squib crowd. Yeah I'm talking about 2025's Havoc, an action thriller so thunderous and animalistic, you need ear plugs just to view it (unless the volume is at mute). So OK, is Tom Hardy's Patrick Walker a rogue cop? And is he Tom Ludlow's second cousin? And uh, did Tommy boy forget BIC razors ever existed? "What you got for me?" Oh TomTom, you have no idea.

So yeah, there's enough bullets and visceral gunfire and nasty probing to save the whales, a darkened hued look, and plenty of Gotham-style dirty pool when it comes to Havoc. Basically the flick is a little Michael Mann, a little David Ayer, and lots of Paul Verhoeven, all glitz and glitter and blood and grime. 

You want red dye corn syrup blasted onto the screen just for kicks and giggles? Havoc will set you free. You want a vehicle that seems like one big-arse Mexican standoff shot primarily in Wales (that's random)? Havoc will give you that opioid fix. Finally, you want star Hardy (mentioned earlier) roaming Havoc as if he's some off-world bounty hunter saddled with a sand-papered, five o'clock shadow? Prego, it's in there bro. "There are people out there looking for you". Gee, tell me something I don't know. Yeesh!

Starring the likes of Forest Whitaker, Luis Guzman, and Hardy (duh) and distributed by Netflix (who else?), Havoc is about a lowdown detective who must rescue a crooked politician's son from the criminal underworld (sadly I had to look this up on Havoc's vast wiki entry). There are tons of fistfights and shootouts and car chases, filmed three-dimensional-y by Gareth Evans as if he went on a bender and found some body-worn cameras used by LA's finest. If only Havoc could've avoided a murky plot met with tons of fading characters it would have "wreaked" a little more. Mixed depredation.  

Written by Jesse Burleson

Broke 2025 * * 1/2 Stars

COWBOY JUNKIE

A one-word title for a movie, depressing, country-fried, distorted in its look just like its main persona. Yeah I'm talking about 2025's Broke, a character study to be interpreted by any viewer or any interested cinephile, in any sort of way they want to do it. Um, is Wyatt Russell's True Brandywine dead? Does he have brain damage? And is True rodeo's version of NFL center Mike Webster from good old Steeler Nation? "Nothing and nobody can make me feel as alive as I do when I'm on the back of that horse for 8 seconds." Ride 'em cowboy True, ride 'em.  

So OK, there's a twangy soundtrack, some dust, lots of glacial snow, "big sky", and a little blood, sweat, and tears with Broke. Basically the flick is Wind River meets The Grey, the neutered version. You want bleak, arid cinematography of The Treasure State and its various municipalities? Broke will give it to ya. You want flashbacks up the yin yang with a little psychedelia to boot? Again Broke will give it to ya. You want an abrupt ending with enough dangling, loose plot threads to power a small country? I didn't but that's Broke's unfortunate shortcomings. "So, what's your plan?" Uh, exactly boss, exactly. 

Produced by Vince Vaughn from his Wild West Picture Show Productions and directed by a rookie in Massachusetts native Carlyle Eubank, Broke is about a buckaroo named True Brandywine (mentioned earlier) who can't seem to shake the feeling of bronc riding despite being steadily maimed with traumatic injuries. Wyatt Russell (son of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell) channels True and he's the biggest reason to see Broke, what with all his raw, physical acting, his ardor for pain, and his withering screen presence. Other actors (veterans Dennis Quaid, Tom Skerritt, and Mary McDonnell) fade in and out but this is Russell's harrowing, one-man show. You take him out of Broke and the film might need some serious "fixin". Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Caught Stealing 2025 * * * Stars

CUTOFF MAN

An atmospheric, squalid, armpit of a movie that's set in the Lower East Side of Manhattan while turning it into a freaking third world country. Yeah I'm talking about 2025's Caught Stealing, one of those wrong place, wrong time flicks like After Hours or Breakdown or well, even 1995's Nick of Time. So how much abuse can Austin Butler's Hank Thompson take? And how's his poor kidney doing? And uh, that's quite the sweet baseball swing you've got there Henry. "Who did this to you?" Yeah, when it comes to Caught Stealing that's the understatement of the year. Oy!!!

So OK, there's a comfortable shoe soundtrack by the British band Idles, a lot of leaky violence, some black humor, and a real mean streak when it comes to "Stealing". Basically if you want cinema straight from the conduit of ooze, this is your vehicle. You fancy bloody shootouts and fistfights and unsuspecting deaths? Yup, Caught Stealing will give it to you. You dig a solid cast with a few unrecognizable cohorts (Liev Schreiber and Vincent D'Onofrio as some Hasidic mobsters)? Again "Stealing" will give it to you. Finally, you want director Darren Aronofsky getting out of his psychological realism comfort zone to put out something destined for the midnight movie circuit? Prego, yup it's in there. Natch. 

Distributed by Sony Pictures Releasing and rounding out at nearly 107 minutes of running time, Caught Stealing is about Henry "Hank" Thompson (mentioned earlier), a star baseball prospect who while watching his bud's cat, gets embroiled with various thugs and gangsters who want him to find their $4 mil in some storage unit. Of course Thompson doesn't know what the heck is going on until he does and that's where some nasty chaos and conflict ensue. Austin Butler in the lead gives another star-making performance and helmer Aronofsky, well he gets the filthy chic just right, fashioning "Stealing" as a twisty crime thriller that would rather kick you in the teeth than play it fine-drawn. "Caught fire". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Night Always Comes 2025 * * * Stars

COMES TO GRIEF

Wow, now that's a movie, a real troubled sort of movie. Yeah I'm talking about 2025's Night Always Comes, a type of thriller the Safdie brothers would have done had they made a companion piece to go along with their Good Time from nearly ten years back. "Night", well it's a dream within a dream except it's a nightmare, and it's a nightmare within a nightmare except it's real life. Did you get all that?

Anyway Night Always Comes has a distraught woman trudging through Portland, Oregon as if it's modern day Beirut, robbing and violently assaulting and lying, all the while trying to get $25,000 raised so her family won't get evicted from their home. Vanessa Kirby plays said woman in Lynette and it's a nerve-ending performance. You kind of root for her and feel sorry for her at the same time, something done rather ineffectively with the Taraji P. Henson persona from Straw (reviewed just two weeks ago). 

Night Always Comes, well it's a lucid downer par excellence, benefiting from seedy characters, a lot of danger coming from around the corner, and Benjamin Caron's atmospheric direction, full of tracking shots and interior, car camera shots that make you feel like you're bucking the Tilt-A-Whirl. Yup, it's one of those "race against time" flicks that takes place in um, the middle of the night, frothing and yearning and hoping for debt erasing to come to fruition. "I'm gonna be on the street again, is that what you want?" No, but I'd like to get some sleep so I can stop hallucinating while seeing bunnies. Yeesh! 

Starring Julia Fox, Eli Roth, and Kirby (mentioned earlier), "Night" doesn't just let up on the tension, it sledgehammers it to the point where you end up chewing your fingernails off (that's if I had any and I don't). "Night" capped. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Weapons 2025 * * 1/2 Stars

IMPERFECT YET LETHAL WEAPONS

"I think it's best if you keep some distance from this place". Oh and keep your distance from the fellow townspeople who trudge along like the walking dead too. Yikes!

2025's Weapons, well it's about a creepy-looking woman who with terminal cancer, decides to possess children (and adults) into brutally harming themselves and each other. Why you ask? Beats me. Hey, as they say I just work here.  

Anyway when said denizens and tykes get bewitched, they gallop "Naruto run" style, with arms outstretched like guided missiles (hence the word weapons as a title). 

Starring Josh Brolin, Amy Madigan, Julia Garner, Austin Abrams and a host of others, Weapons has a pretty unsettling tone and for part of the way, becomes a mere thinking person's horror endeavor. One might even say the vehicle might require repeated viewings, maybe catch something creepily new seeping into frame. 

By the end however, you're left wondering what the point of it all was with the overrated swipe that is Weapons. I sure did. I mean it's like 128 minutes of gore for the sake of gore, modus operandi for the sake of modus operandi, barbarity for the sake of um, barbarity. "I don't understand at all". Me neither boss. Me neither. 

So OK, what's left to truly admire with Weapons? Well despite its fissure snags, there's a solid directorial effort leaking from Zach Cregger, he of 2022's Barbarian fame. Cregger shoots Weapons in a rather effective nonlinear narrative, as the characters in his vignettes steadily bump into each other with total aplomb. His Weapons is well, the Rashomon of scare fests and something Quentin Tarantino might have done had he shamelessly fooled around with the cinematic occult. Too bad Cregger's keen eye behind the camera overshadows his rather slack script and vapid motives. Makeshift "weapon". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Until Dawn 2025 * * Stars

DAWN AFTER THE DEAD

"Every night, something new is trying to kill us." Great. Can't wait to have an old bag with odious teeth suffocate me. 

Based on a video game and starring unknowns Ella Rubin, Michael Cimino, and Ji-young Yoo, 2025's Until Dawn is a traditional fright fest until it's not (that's a good thing). Until Dawn is also a very hooky film until its effect wears rather thin (that's a not-so-good thing). I mean why does this flick want to mess with its audience and characters just for kicks? And why do said characters have to bite the dust over and over again, sometimes easily, sometimes with weighted effort (huh?)? 

Only "Dawn's" director (the seasoned David F. Sandberg) knows the answers and somewhere he's smiling, thinking he's made a sprawling masterpiece. Easy there boss! Just because you combine elements of The Evil Dead and The Descent and sprinkle it with the almighty Groundhog Day effect doesn't mean you're the master of Italian giallo. Systematic jump scares from the Takashi Shimizu era and MTV-style editing a great horror pic doesn't make. "Up the road, that's where people get into trouble". Well at least "Dawn's" throng gets to see their worming victims get into trouble, bloody corn-syrupy trouble. 

So OK, here's the thing: helmer Sandberg while not playing cinematic hot dog man, conjures up some ghastly, alarming images with Until Dawn. I mean he can make you wince with the makeup department obviously doing their job too. The problem lies in the repetitive diegesis, something about 5 buddies who look for their friend only to get murdered repeatedly while reliving the same darkened night at some haunting abode. Talk about the zapping of dramatic momentum. By the time Until Dawn's abrupt, pat ending comes into play, you've decided that its personas should be put out of their own dolor halfway into the second act. False "dawn". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Straw 2025 * * Stars

NOT SIPPING THIS KOOL-AID

"Something inside of me broke." Ya think? Getting drummed out, getting fired from your job, losing your child, being wanted for murder, being wanted for holdup. Yeah I'd break too, or find a panacea and a bottle of Scotch to medicate.

Anyway in the tradition of movies like 2002's John Q., Ambulance, and 211 comes Straw, something about a single mom who gets embroiled in a day of crime as she holds hostages in a bank because she can't get her paycheck cashed in order to feed her sickly daughter. Taraji P. Henson as Janiyah Wilkinson plays said mom and it's a raw performance, surrounded by a rather depressing, hovel of a Netflix endeavor. You can savor the ooze and grot as Straw's shooting location ("Hotlanta") feels like well, modern day Beirut. 

So OK, if you choose to see Straw see it for Henson's turn alone, what with all her amazing commitment to the role, her indisposed screen presence, and her rearing fidelity. The movie around her, well it's a mixed bag, a profuse satire, showcasing overly mean-spirited side personas who are unenlightened and bent on making Taraji's Janiyah artificially snap. "I just wanna do what's right for my baby." Of course, but why the need to draw out 108 minutes of Straw's malevolent running time when 70 or so would suffice. 

Straw's director (the incomparable Tyler Perry), yeah he'd rather make an "it's only a movie" movie with implausibility and schlock as opposed to dealing with real-life, personage situations. Putting his subjects in a world sans any speck of empathy, hope, or ease, Perry pushes the envelope as only he can creating something where you feel way too sorry for the main character (Janiyah of course) instead of having the audience root for her to find some volition. "Straw drain".  

Written by Jesse Burleson

Happy Gilmore 2 2025 * * Stars

BOGEY

What I learned from 2025's Happy Gilmore 2, is that star Adam Sandler has a boatload of friends. I mean he actually got club driving legend John Daly to play himself as some weirdo chilling in Sandler's character's car port. "2", well it just skims the surface when it comes to small parts like Daly. "I haven't swung a club in years." Yup, you're right Sandman, it's been at least 25-plus. 

Anyhow Happy Gilmore 2 is a sequel like Aliens is a sequel, or Terminator 2 is a sequel, or Back to the Future Part II is a sequel. Here's the thing though: bigger doesn't always mean badder, bigger doesn't always mean better, more elaborate, well it doesn't always mean streets ahead. "Let them see the Happy I fell in love with". Great, but does it have to be two sloppy, dawdling hours worth of running time? As Shooter McGavin would say, "this is golf people, not a rock concert".  

So yeah, "2" involves hockey player-turned-golf monger Happy Gilmore coming out of retirement to raise money for his daughter's dance classes while teaming up with some PGA players to thwart the newly crazed Maxi Golf (which feels like the equivalent of LIV Golf, hint hint). The usual high jinks ensue, with "the greatest game ever played" turning into an unscrupulous circus, something that almost veers into that 1988 follow-up with Chevy and Jackie Mason (Caddyshack fans sadly know what I'm talking about). 

Happy Gilmore 2, yeah it doesn't just have cameos mind you, it sprinkles them throughout, like mounds of Parmesan cheese on limp spaghetti. I mean if you're gonna insert Jack Nicklaus, Travis Kelce, Eminem, Jon Lovitz, and Steve Buscemi (that's just 10 percent of the assemblage), then have a story that moves things along, not a barrage of personas that fade in and out like wipes in some depraved, fantasy whirl. Let's face it, the first Happy Gilmore from '96 was tighter, funnier, and will endure more as a cult classic. "2", well it's akin to comedic splatter painting, hoping the messiness will be especial. "Happy" medium.  

Written by Jesse Burleson

Brick 2025 * * * Stars

BRICK HOUSED

"Maybe it's like some kind of twisted escape room". Maybe. Or maybe it's just some big-arse wall surrounding your apartment complex and nothing in the freaking world could penetrate it. Don't you hate when that happens. I mean all you wanted to do was leave your hubby in the wind and go outside to get some fresh air. Syke! 

Anyway 2025's Brick is about said wall. It's a thriller that has brains as opposed to showing them splattered on the floor like some sensationalism horror endeavor. Yeah people bite the proverbial dust in Brick but they don't do it in vain, they just do it because they're sick of being trapped like "rats in a cage". Um, thanks for that cryptic lyric Billy Corgan.  

So OK, as something that has a bunch of unknown actors (Ruby O. Fee, Frederick Lau) and was filmed solely in the Czech Republic, Brick is similar to stuff like Cube and Inside and 2017's The Snare, movies where people are hemmed in and have almost no access to any means of survival. 

The only difference with Brick is that it's government fodder, not some supernatural mumbo jumbo or diabolical planning by a random Jigsaw psycho to torture poor millennial-s on the come up. No Brick is meat and potatoes film-making mind you, building tension inch by inch as floors and other barriers are knocked out so the main characters can eventually find their sunlight-ed, Waterloo. "We just need to try everything". Yup, you do boss. You really do. 

All in all, I plan on recommending Brick. Why? Because its premise is simple yet layered at the same time, with director Philip Koch creating situations for his personas where they have to find explications, not impede them. Brick, well it is not overly disturbing, just effectively effective as a Netflix B grader. Sun-dried "clay". Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Trainwreck: Mayor of Mayhem 2025 * * * Stars

WRECK IT ROBBIE 

Rob Ford was the mayor of Toronto, Canada from 2010 to 2014. He died two years after his term so in 2025's Trainwreck: Mayor of Mayhem, he's obviously not around to defend his controversial self. Oh well, what are you gonna do? 

"Mayhem", yeah it's an effective, sort of transitory documentary, edited lightning quick and almost in a rush to round off, as its 49 minutes could've easily been stretched out to 75-plus. Its title has the word "trainwreck" but could also be associated with the words "car accident". Hey, you can't look away from the aspect of contentiousness.

So yeah, Ford got caught doing drugs on camera, he was an alcoholic, and was accused of giving oral you-know-what to some unknown hooker. But hey, the public kind of dug him and he might've gotten a second shot as "Hogtown's" most powerful politician had he not fallen to a grave illness. 

Trainwreck: Mayor of Mayhem, well it basically talks about Rob Ford in the 3rd person, using archives and accounts from 10-15 years ago plus present-day interviews from the denizens that knew him best. Ford, yup he was the P.T. Barnum of elected heads, a real entertaining pill of a human being. He made defamed Governor Rod Blagojevich look like Romper Room by comparison and made Marion Barry seem rather choir boyish as quiet as it's kept. "He turned City Hall into a circus". Uh, fo sho. Fo sho fo sho.  

Now do I plan on recommending "Mayhem?" I have to. I mean it's so well done and brisk, a mere snapshot of a transmission that PBS might've salivated over had they got the almighty rights. And do I think Trainwreck: Mayor of Mayhem is a perfect way to hark back to what made Ford such a kooky stitch, giving the media the business like a rollicking oaf on hallucinogens? Not quite. The flick feels a little dated and it's so brief it might just float away after one viewing. "Train" fair. 

Written by Jesse Burleson 

My Mom Jayne 2025 * * * Stars

MOM SERIAL 

Jayne Mansfield died in a car accident circa 1967 in "The City that Care Forgot" (New Orleans, LA). But she is remembered as a bombshell Hollywood legend, appearing in over two dozen films and getting her Star on the Walk of Fame. 2025's My Mom Jayne is about the closed book of Mansfield, with heeded direction by her daughter and distribution by the always docu reliable, HBO. "The public pays to see me a certain way". Yeah they do Jayne, or should I say did.

So yeah, I've never viewed a Jayne Mansfield flick but I've taken in plenty of her youngest offspring killing it on the TV show Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (that would be Mariska Hargitay). Hargitay, well she helms "Jayne" in an intimate, sort of experiential way, interspersing archives with present-day revelations and interviews from her siblings about their siren momma who only lived to be a young 34-years-old. 

My Mom Jayne, yeah it shows Mariska to be a rookie born filmmaker when you look at its continuity determinants, its streamlined look, its camera that's always peeking in, and its ability to have Vera Jayne Palmer be a haunting, wistful presence long after her sudden demise. 

It's only in the last twenty minutes or so that the pic loses its focused footing, exposing the forked, Mansfield family tree the same way Natasha Gregson Wagner did with her nurturer in 2020's Natalie Wood: What Remains Behind (paging Dr. Povich, Dr. Povich). I mean think of your momma bear as a celebration of life Mariska, not some mild, personal resentment brought on by your tough-nosed, Olivia Benson persona. 

Overall "Jayne" is a solid piece of dewy-eyed commemoration, an evocative documentary that tries its darndest to veer away from the throes of vainglory and one's own exorcising of brood demons. Alpha "mom". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

F1: The Movie 2025 * * Stars

F-NEAR-BOMB

"We all lose our jobs if you can't pull off a miracle". The "you" refers to Sonny Hayes, a journeyman, drifter race car driver who loves his playing cards, his broke down mini van, and his slick tires on ye olde track. Hey, eat your heart out Frank Capua. 

Anyway F1: The Movie is a movie about Sonny and his 30 years later, alley-like return to the ring of Formula One (duh). "F1", well it's a sports drama that clocks in at a pretty swift 156 minutes. I mean I didn't think that was possible but it is. Semi-heady sequence, race, semi-heady sequence, race, PG-13 love-dovey clip, uh race. Rinse, rinse, repeat. 

So OK, F1: The Movie features Brad Pitt as Hayes and Javier Bardem as his race team owner Ruben Cervantes. Their scenes sometimes crackle with the rest of the film being rather dramatically inert. Bad side character actors with bad acting voices and a rather hackneyed screenplay from veteran scribe Ethan Kruger that has much ado about nothing when it comes to the lingo of motorsports. That's the misguided rub with "F1". I mean all the visceral, loud-arse heck for leather where you feel like you're in the cockpit doesn't compensate for what a hollow spectacle we've got going on here. 

"F1", yeah it only excels when it appears like a promotional video and/or advertisement for Formula One zealots on the come up. Heck, you've got to wonder if "F1's" helmer Joseph Kosinski gave up the reins to Michael Bay later on in production because producer Jerry Bruckheimer said so. That's a pretty scary thought. 

A little Tony Scott here, a little Cole Trickle there, a phoned-in Hans Zimmer score, the most mediocre parts of all tres, F1: The Movie wants to be as compelling as something like Ford v Ferrari but ends up looking about as Academy Award worthy as Gone in 60 Seconds (ouch). Lost "1".  

Written by Jesse Burleson

"Untold" The Fall of Favre 2025 * * 1/2 Stars

THE UNTOLD STORY

"People say he was a football god". Yup, they're talking about retired quarterback Brett Favre, a gunslinger who had a cannon for an arm and threw enough interceptions to almost equal the number of days in a year (336). Hey, Johnny Utah ain't got nothing on this cat.

Anyway "Untold" The Fall of Favre is a Netflix documentary, devoid of empathy and rounding out at a hasty running time of 62 minutes. Yeah it doesn't celebrate Mississippi's favorite son, it merely lynches him. "Untold", well it delves into the last, dark 17 years or so of Brett's life. You know, when he was sending naughty, you-know-what pics to television personality Jenn Sterger or diverting federal welfare funds to non-welfare related causes. What, did you think "Untold" was gonna be mainly about Favre's Super Bowl title in '97 or his three league MVPs? Get reals. 

So OK, "Untold" The Fall of Favre features Brett Favre not being interviewed but being portrayed as a mystery man and/or enigma in terms of his rise in the almighty NFL ranks. Heck, that's the docu's strongest attribute that's few and far between, a chronicling of Favre's journey to getting that Hall of Fame nod while going over 70,000 yards passing. Too bad "Untold" concentrates more on Favre's smear campaign, as the media and even his own buds (like Peter King) sort of throw him under the proverbial bus. Hey, I'm not the biggest Favre fan (mainly because I live in Chi-town) but if I'm Brett myself, I'd sue "Untold's" production company EverWonder studio for defamation of character. I mean I don't care how well the darn thing turned out. 

All in all, "Untold" The Fall of Favre has solid archives, good pacing, crisp editing, and it holds your attention despite the veritable, Favre "hate" shenanigans. The problem however seems to be that it was either made by some die-hard Bears fan or someone with a huge amount of rancor. "Unfold" is almost completely slanted. Natch.  

Written by Jesse Burleson

Becoming Led Zeppelin 2025 * * Stars

RAMBLED ON

"I'm going to form my own band". Yeah you are Jimmy Page, and they will be one the greatest rock bands to ever walk the face of the Earth. Hey, you can't argue with 300 million albums sold worldwide.

Anyway 2025's Becoming Led Zeppelin is a Sony Pictures documentary, a mere bullet point presentation of "Zep's" beginnings stretched out to 2 hours runtime. It's lengthy yet rather abrupt, tastefully done yet surprisingly careful, loud and rocked out yet fairly wandering. Yeah the "becoming" part of Becoming Led Zeppelin made sense here. The "leaving" part, well it "left" me unfulfilled as a critic and as a viewer. 

So OK, why does "Becoming" take 121 minutes to merely go over Zeppelin's collaborative genesis and their rocking, first two albums? I mean if that's the case then make the darn film a miniseries instead, something of better value for good old Netflix to offer. And why does Becoming Led Zeppelin the pic play it so veritably shielded, bypassing their mystique in favor of something that the musical troop approved instead of entertaining any morbid curiosity that could have fueled the eyeing audience. 

So what, no mention of lead singer Robert Plant's fascination with Indian and North African styles of music? No mention of drummer John Bonham's legendary demise in 1980? No mention of Page's obsession with the occult and his purchasing of Aleister Crowley's home? And uh, no mention of Zep's shark incident with a partying groupie (you know what I'm talking about)? 

Sure "Becoming" has well-preserved archives, sure the editing is standard and crisp, sure the interviews are ultimately pensive, and sure, these lads with their thunderous instruments could bring down the house like no one's business. But why see Becoming Led Zeppelin when you'd be better off reading the first half of the bluesy troupe's wiki page in thorough detail. "Becoming" unbecoming. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Karate Kid: Legends 2025 * * Stars

THEY CALL ME LI FONG

I read somewhere on the Internet that Ralph Macchio is 63 years old. That's just crazy to me. I mean he'll always be young Daniel LaRusso in my book. Guess I'm still stuck in good old 1984. Ralph, yeah he shows up about an hour into 2025's Karate Kid: Legends, a sixth film in the distance running, Karate Kid franchise. Macchio's stay in "Legends" adds up to a sort of long-winded, thankless cameo. Yup, he probably got paid about $100,000 a line so that means he pocketed $3 mil. Cobra Kai never dies baby!!

Anyway Karate Kid: Legends is nearly a cash grab, an incredibly underwhelming entry in the Karate Kid canon. It clocks in at about 94 minutes, formulaic, devoid of character development, and sadly made for the malnourished, MTV crowd. I mean you'd be better off watching an alternate, hour and a half action thriller like '83's Revenge of the Ninja. At least you'd get a more compelling, darker side of martial arts met with an actual conflict and/or skirmish. "Sometimes it is the only way to move forward". Are you sure about that boss? Are ya?

Directed by a feature rookie in Jonathan Entwistle and appearing like it was made on a short weekend (that's not a compliment), Karate Kid: Legends is about a young boy who moves from Beijing to NYC only to be coerced by an old sage (Jackie Chan as Mr. Han) into competing in a karate competition called the Five Boroughs Tournament (I've never heard of such a thing). There's a final grudge match, some training, a tormentor, and a green-eyed romance so it's basically the diegesis of the first Karate Kid chapter all over again. The problem here is that it doesn't feel like there's much at stake and despite the punchy fight sequences (which are well shot), Karate Kid: Legends literally evaporates right after you see it. This kid manages to "stay in the picture" until he doesn't. Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning 2025 * * Stars

ON THIS MISSION

I read somewhere that Tom Cruise might do Mission: Impossible movies till he's ninety. That's "crazy town". I mean there's no way that could happen but you've got to admire Tommy boy's ambition. At 62, he's rolled out 2025's Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning, a 170-minute sequel and supposedly the last installment in the franchise. Yeah right. Based on the closing shot of "Final Reckoning", I "reckon" no. Hey, you heard what the Cruiser said.

Anyway Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning unfortunately does what "Dead Reckoning Part One" did two years ago. It provides an uneven, elongated script that nearly dumb-s down the actors. The film is about Ethan Hunt and his buds trying to stop an (AI) called the Entity who could destroy mankind. Yup, that was off of "Final Reckoning's" wiki page, I'm not gonna lie. Otherwise everything else in terms of the flick's diegesis is balderdash in the purest form. 

So what's left to admire with "Final Reckoning?" Well you have shootout and/or fistfight scenes and the Cruiser risking his life doing his own stunts. I mean isn't that why we pony up $10.50? Sadly either said scenes are cut too quickly or Tom's Hunt takes forever to retrieve a submarine module underwater or chase down a baddie in a biplane. Yeah, I'm thinking Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning needed an editor with a tighter sense of craft or someone with the legendary pedigree of Thelma Schoonmaker to sift through the whole lumpy shebang. "This can't all be true". But it is my dear, it truly is.  

Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning is directed by Christopher McQuarrie, a sometimes meat and potatoes filmmaker and Tom Cruise's cinematic, Siamese twin. I mean I liked his touches in the first hour, what with all the psychedelic fast cutting and the flashbacks, a sort of greatest hits collection in regards to the other seven M:I pics that came before it. But ultimately, "Final Reckoning" is a slight letdown, an almost blatant excuse to put out another one of these bloated things in 2-3 years. More of Tom Cruise running (eh), more of Simon Pegg acting like well, Simon Pegg (ugh), more globetrotting than the TV show Where in the World is Matt Lauer (double ugh), and Hunt having to save the world because no one else can fit it in their darn calendar. Um, there's no "self-destructing messaging" going on here. Natch.

Written by Jesse Burleson

Con Mum 2025 * * 1/2 Stars

MIXED GAZUMP 

2025's Con Mum is a sad, factual film made only sadder by the fact that the black hat involved didn't get charged with any crime. I mean she could be wobbling around somewhere today, scamming the bejesus out of some poor schlub. Yikes. 

Anyway "Mum" is shot in the standard, docu form. It's film-making 101, a rinse, repeat of interviews and recent archives and present-day swipe, sterile and wonted and made for the TLC Network as opposed to the big screen. 

The victims in Con Mum, well they become pathetic, self-enablers. The "mum" in Con Mum, well she becomes as hated as any real-life character you could ever imagine. Now did I feel sympathy or commiseration for any fifteen minutes of fame-r involved here? No, just a bilious feeling in the pit of my stomach as I did the good old SMH. And does "Mum's" veteran helmer Nick Green provide a happy cessation and/or a fruition moment when those 88 minutes of running time are up? No, just a downer of a summing-up, where separation and false clean hands are involved. 

Containing a twist and taking place mainly in London (and just about everywhere else), Con Mum is about an 80-year-old woman who seeks out her actual, estranged son and his female partner and proceeds to diddle them out of nearly $500,000 US dollars (hence the twist). It's like that email you get from a kite that says, "give me $20,000 and I'll get you $5 mil" (yeah right). The mum in question is Dionne and the couple is Graham and Heather. "I never stopped loving you. I just want to be with you as much as I can". Yeah, whatevs Dionne.

So yeah, remember that line from a certain Matt Damon flick from '98? You know where Matthew's Mike McDermott says, "if you can't spot the sucker at your first half hour at the table, then you are the sucker". Well that applies to Graham and Heather, two naive foodies that seemed to have been easily duped by a husky, "Pat" of a human being that's nearly bald, unable to move freely, and likes to completely butcher the English language. I don't know whether Con Mum is a cry for help for Graham and Heather or a route for them to make a profit off this documentary after being taken for a monetary ride. Either way "Mum" is a very uneven viewing experience. Def "con". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

A Deadly American Marriage 2025 * * * Stars

AMERICAN REVISED VERSION

It's not everyday that a Dateline episode gets put on celluloid but here we are with 2025's A Deadly American Marriage. I mean the only things missing are the commercials, those aerial shots of Podunk towns, and Keith Morrison's legendary creeper alert. "It's one of the bloodiest crime scenes I've seen in a long time." Yeesh!

Anyway "American Marriage" is a documentary, fact-based and quite disturbing when you realize that the people doing the crime never actually did the time (talk about a dead giveaway and/or spoiler alert). The film is about the murder of Irish gent and North Carolina native Jason Corbett, who supposedly was offed by his wife Molly Martens and his wife's father Michael Martens. 

Yeah there's some interviews, some barbarous scenarios, and that compulsory trial. Sound familiar? Well it should. I mean I would've written "American Marriage" off completely (pun intended) had it not been so darn well done and involving. Case in point: when's the last time you pooh poohed an installment halfway through of that long-running, NBC reality legal show to do some knitting on a Friday night? Exactly.  

So OK, you're probably thinking do I plan on recommending A Deadly American Marriage? Sure why not. But I'm recommending it for its craft and veritable, visual spiel as oppose to its almost non-existent level of freshness. For instance, if "American Marriage" predated Dateline and a young Josh Mankiewicz rolled in to be the moderator I'd probably call the flick a masterpiece, a real innovator of the probing of true crime. But here we are in the present, where there are 6 NCIS shows, 6-7 shows like 48 Hours, and thousands and thousands of podcasts about real torts and such. A Deadly American Marriage is oddly akin to the cinematic equivalent of the guy (or girl) who still buys CDs at Borders bookstore. "Marriage" mart. 

Written by Jesse Burleson