Tom Cruise: The Last Movie Star 2023 * * 1/2 Stars

"I WANT THE TRUTH!"

2023's Tom Cruise: The Last Movie Star is not so much a documentary as it is an A&E Biography special sort of lapsing into syndication. I mean I'm not saying that's a bad thing but why announce it as an actual release when it could easily qualify as boob tube filler via 6 PM on a Tuesday.  

With "The Last Movie Star", you have a timeline of Cruise's permanence of a career, the highs and the mid-lows all sort of pasted together and on the fly. I mean why is he so able to easily play Ethan Hunt over the span of nearly thirty years? And why would he fire his manager who just happens to be his own sister by blood? And uh, what's up with his fascination with Scientology and his yearn to plunge into the almighty meltdown (Oprah's couch ring a bell?)? 

Yeah Tommy boy is a pretty interesting guy, and Tom Cruise: The Last Movie Star is pretty juicy stuff. The production values, well they ain't much and the propped up interviews, well they're from people I've never heard of (except for critic Richard Roeper, but no captions regardless). The particulars regarding Cruise's metier journey however, are raw and honest. And the archives of him in Top Gun, Days of Thunder, and/or Risky Business mode, are evocative and longing for the past of glorious 80s/90s pop cinema. 

Tom Cruise: The Last Movie Star, well it puts "the cruiser" in equal parts negative and positive lighting. And while we see him show up periodically in the flick, he's mysteriously not there in probing to defend himself via his own delineation. Oh well. At 75 breezy minutes, "The Last Movie Star" is worth at least one watch if you're a Cruise fanboy or someone who didn't know every tidbit about his meteoric rise in the meaty cesspool of "Hollyweird". Operatic "star". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

The Bikeriders 2023 * * Stars

WHEEZY RIDER

2023's The Bikeriders is one of those down-and-dirty movies. I mean the musty smell of a bar, the scented drag of a ciggy, and the gasoline intake from a large chopper cloak you as you walk out of the theater. The pseudo true story of "Bikeriders", well it's about the lives of a motorcycle club called the Vandals and what went down with them from 1965 to 1973. The setting is Middle America, the inspiration akin to '53's The Wild One. "This is our family forever." Oh fo-sho.

So yeah, "Bikeriders" doesn't have much of a story arc just as Goodfellas didn't have much of a story arc (critics have been comparing the two films lately). Goodfellas, well it hits you a little harder and resonates more from an emotive, Mob standpoint. The Bikeriders, well it's paltry and bare bones, never having a true reason for being while never creating any memorable and/or likable characters. I mean sure star Austin Butler has a smoldering screen presence and sure, co-star Tom Hardy disappears into his role like vapor. But come on now, these guys just ride bikes, peel off, grunt, and act stout, never making The Bikeriders more than merely trivial stuff. De Niro and Ray Liotta they surely ain't. 

Scorsese earthy crime dramas begot, "Bikeriders" is based on a book of the same name and helmed by a guy known for ditching the funny (Arkansas native Jeff Nichols). Nichols, well his direction is more style here than anything else. I mean he knows where to put the camera, his sense of time and place is rich, and his actors are loyal to him (just ask Michael Shannon). But with The Bikeriders, he mostly missteps, giving the audience member a rinse, repeat of grubby men smoking, drinking, knifing, getting into sudden bursts of graphic violence, and occasionally burning rubber on their Harleys (I stress the word occasionally). Yup, it just goes on and on with no end in sight, as the thin diegesis of "Bikeriders" runs out of propane wiggle room real fast. Free "rider" problem.

Written by Jesse Burleson

St. Elmo's Fire 1985 * 1/2 Stars

CEASE THIS FIRE

1985's St. Elmo's Fire is no great shakes, like sitting through a quilting seminar is no great shakes. Remember The Big Chill and The Deer Hunter? Those lifelong friends endeavors? Well those pics came out in '83 and '78 respectively. Years later we got St. Elmo's Fire, The Big Chill for paupers and/or have-not-s. Here we have a bunch of pseudo, recent college graduates (from Georgetown not Michigan) who are still very close and are trying to come to grips with early adulthood. Sigh. These people chain smoke, drink, do coke, sleep with each other, hang out at the local watering hole, and ogle at the camera as if to subjugate that they're actually doing some effective acting. "It ain't easy being me". You don't say Andrew McCarthy.

St. Elmo's Fire, well it's one of those movies that shows if you have a well-known cast, you don't always translate that into greatness. I mean sure "Fire" was a modest box office hit but who wouldn't be curious about seeing something with Rob Lowe, McCarthy (mentioned earlier), Judd Nelson, Mare Winningham, and Demi Moore attached to it. Basically St. Elmo's Fire was the Brat Pack flick, the quintessential Brat Pack flick, with the indelible images of those Brat Packer-s and their faces plastered onto the fusty frames forever. Too bad "Fire's" late, baby boomer script only looked good in production meetings and it's clunky editing goes down as smooth as the rut of extra coarse sandpaper. Hey um, image isn't everything people.  

Early twenties movie stars and script supervisor firings aside, St. Elmo's Fire was directed by the late schlock-meister Joel Schumacher, a guy who never met a genre he didn't want to impede (remember Batman & Robin? Ugh). Schumacher's style in "Fire" is all over the place, an unnecessary tracking shot here, a wide there, clips that look like they're shot on a soundstage and not an actual location, a forlorn attempt to imitate the great Robert Altman. It's all a sort of young adult faux pas, with "Fire's" popular soundtrack pouncing in on almost every scene, as if it needed to be there no matter what. "Do you ever feel like you're not accomplishing anything at all?" You said it Mare, not me. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Brats 2024 * * 1/2 Stars

"SOLDIER ON, ONLY YOU CAN DO WHAT MUST BE DONE"

2024's Brats takes you back to a simpler time. You know, the early 80s, the early "Greed decade". I mean this is a documentary that revels in the past, not being able to let go of some adverse article written 39 years ago about some young, rising actors. The guide of Brats, well it's veteran trouper Andrew McCarthy, the dude that starred in Pretty in Pink and Less than Zero and 1983's Class. "I've never talked to anybody about what that was like". You are now Andrew, for reals. 

Now if you're my age (close to 50), you definitely know what I'm talking about in reference to Brats. I'm talking about the Brat Pack, those movie stars that appeared in a bunch of flicks about young people in coming-of-age mode. Remember St. Elmo's Fire, The Breakfast Club, and Oxford Blues? Yeah me too. They had Brat Pack people in them like McCarthy, Rob Lowe, Judd Nelson, Alley Sheedy, and Molly Ringwald. 

Decades later, McCarthy has decided to make a shuffled film about the legendary Brat Pack, burning both ends of the candle as director, producer, and unequivocal Greek chorus. Yup, it's a little strange to see what Andrew McCarthy is like in real-life, as he nervously seeks out former "Pack" members while trudging around Brats like he's some Woody Allen caricature via Annie Hall. 

Andrew, well he's obviously a little neurotic, and it's a little disconcerting that he fashions Brats as a therapy session for him or an exorcism of his Brat Pack demons if you will. If Brats were more an extensive account of the Brat Pack legacy and not a platform to facilitate McCarthy's boredom by bringing back the dead and buried, well I think the docu would work a little better. Regardless, Brats is ambitious and well-shot, giving the audience member grainy, 1980s archives, an effective sense of the camera peeking in, and perspicacious interviews from the people who were there and didn't make the cut, floundering in the Brat Pack trenches (Timothy Hutton, Lea Thompson, and Jon Cryer to name a few). "Pack" a slight punch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

The Antisocial Network: Memes to Mayhem 2024 * * Stars

SOCIAL INJUSTICE

2024's The Antisocial Network: Memes to Mayhem represents a bunch of teens, hovered around their computers, hunkered down in their basements, and creating online memes meant to I suppose, skew real-life situational outcomes. A meme by definition, well it's an image, video, or piece of text that is copied and/or spread by Internet users. So yeah, you see a lot of these so-called memes throughout "Antisocial Network" yet they're on and off the screen faster than a speeding bullet. I mean at least give the viewer a sense of coherency and/or interconnection with each passing beam or likeness. "There was definitely a lot of stuff that was... super edgy." Jeez, you could've fooled me. 

Some smug interviews here, some recent archives there, Donald Trump nearly everywhere, The Antisocial Network: Memes to Mayhem splashes onto the screen with a ton of Pokemon colors, remnants of The Lawnmower Man, and some Anime-style animation. Yeah it all looks great but uh, where's the story? And what exactly did these Microsoft nerds do, as they ate their Cheetos and didn't leave from their lower ground floor for weeks? As a documentary, "Antisocial Network" contains a lot of techie info that unfortunately seems edited into a jumbled mess. Instead of having said info spoonfed to the audience member, it just sits there in the cinematic tidy bowl, getting soggy. "You didn't want the party to stop". Are you sure about that big guy?

Cheesy snacks and sci-fi horror aside, The Antisocial Network: Memes to Mayhem does two things that a docu should never do, give a platform for Internet young-ins who don't deserve it and then try to make you root for those same young-ins who should otherwise be looking for a real job and not sponging off the esse of others. I mean maybe these computer savants contributed to the outcomes of the 2016 United States election and/or the January 6 US Capital Attack, maybe not. Man, I don't even have a tenet. Stub "network".   

Written by Jesse Burleson

14 Peaks: Nothing Is Impossible 2021 * * * Stars

LONGS PEAK

2021 had The Alpinist but it also has another movie about mountaineers. Yeah I'm talking about 14 Peaks: Nothing Is Impossible, a documentary about a dude (Nirmal Purja) whose chief goal in record time, is to climb the summits of the world's 14 highest peaks. We're talking stuff like K2 and Mount Everest, yeesh! Now do you think Purja and Marc Andre Leclerc ran into each other or crossed paths when all this was going down? Maybe, maybe not. Heck, they're both manful regardless, looking for that adrenaline like the adrenaline junkies they are. 

So OK, do I think "14 Peaks" feels rather predictable, staged, and only to be expected? Uh yeah, it kind of has to be. Otherwise the film would be titled "12 Peaks" or um, "Almost 14". And do I think the pic's subject (Purja) is rather cocksure and self-serving in the way he goes about his business? Of course. Again it kind of has to be this way. I mean confidence is key when you're standing almost 9,000 m above sea level with only an oxygen mask to keep you grinning. "If I can stay alive, I can do this". Yeah you tell 'em Nirmal.

Distributed by Netflix, featuring interviews from legendary climber Reinhold Messner, and shot primarily in Nepal, 14 Peaks: Nothing Is Impossible takes its formalized mantra and churns out a rather streamlined and numbing docu about mountainous Mother Earth and its horrific beauty. Kudos goes out to Chris Alstrin, whose striking cinematography has every frame of the Himalayas looking like it could be captured onto a portrait. Kudos also goes out to Nainita Desai, whose pitch-perfect musical score signifies a sense of deafening danger coming right around the corner. Yeah with "14 Peaks", almost everything is possible, even if you know in advance that Purja is gonna eventually reach his ascending, "Waterloo". Natch.  

Written by Jesse Burleson

How to Rob a Bank 2024 * * * 1/2 Stars

BANK ON

"Everyone on the floor". So says the late bank robber Scott Scurlock, a dude who robbed a ton of financial establishments in Seattle, Washington via the early to mid 90s. Hey Scott, I never did hear about you but now I'm getting a full education. Prosthetic facial features, a 9mm handgun, the nickname of "Hollywood", a nearly non-violent disposition. Netflix, well you finally sparked my interest, finally.

With interviews that stick from people who were there (the FBI, bank tellers, the po-po) and archives of Scurlock that will surely haunt your vested psyche (Scott's ghostly presence lingers long after his 1996 suicide), 2024's How to Rob a Bank is a documentary that is entertaining enough to make you feel like you're watching pure fiction (when you're obviously not). I mean when the subject at hand was obviously inspired by the antics of Heat and 1991's Point Break, well you feel like Scott is Bodhi and Neil McCauley on their collective high horses. "How does he just slip away like that?" Heck if I know.

Crime pics and voices of the dead begot, How to Rob a Bank moves at breakneck speed and gets away with reenactments and animation that would make other docu flicks seem pretentious by comparison. I mean why did Scott decide to involve his bewildered friends who were non-criminals by trade? And why did Scottie boy give some of the money from his robberies to his other buds who were in financial straits? And why did Scurlock get kicked out of school when he was a semester short of graduating while eventually becoming a medical doctor? These are questions and they seem interpreted as Scurlock's own method of wallowing in his cesspool of enigma. I'll bite. How to Rob a Bank is still one of the best pieces of redolent prose to come out this year. "Bank" on it.

Written by Jesse Burleson

Bionic 2024 * * 1/2 Stars

BIONIC WOMEN

2024's Bionic is maybe the only film I've ever seen that had to do with bionics. I mean I've never viewed TV's The Bionic Woman so um, there you go. Bionic, well it's farsighted sci-fi, made with just enough futuristic gadgetry and prescience that it doesn't completely overwhelm you. The story, yeah it's about two sisters who have prosthetic legs, vying against each other to compete in the famed Paralympics. In order to keep their sponsors however, said sisters have to partake in a life of crime and some strong-arm tactics. "I want to enter the game". Yeah you do. 

So OK, Bionic is slick and glitzy, a flick that minus a few updated gags, probably could have been released in the late 90s. Nevertheless, it's a visionary work made by a director who obviously did some previous homework (Brazilian Afonso Poyart). A little Blade Runner here, a little Strange Days, a little splash of Neill Blomkamp, a smidgen of Gareth Edwards. I mean Poyart is obviously a fan of all things speculative fiction. So uh, what does he do to add to the furor? Well he combines sports with violence and meanie malefactors, kind of the same way 1991's Point Break did it with surfing, The Last Boy Scout did it with NFL football, and Drop Zone did it with skydiving. "Every victory demands sacrifice". Yeah it does.   

Aping of ultramodern cinema, shafts of light, and Johnny Utah-s aside, Bionic is worth at least one showing for its solid intentions of trying not to be just another crapper in the $3.99 bin a la Best Buy. Objectives begot, you just have to get past the occasional bad dubbing, the cartoon-like acting, the erratic editing, and the shallow characters who are as cold as perhaps the science fiction world is itself. By "artificial" means. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Beverly Hills Cop II 1987 * * * Stars

SPEED COP

Beverly Hills Cop II is about as sequel as sequels can get. But hey, I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I mean if you liked Beverly Hills Cop circa 1984, you're probably gonna like "II" cause well, it's basically the same movie. Eddie Murphy's Axel Foley again goes back to Cali from his Detective gig in Detroit, wisecracking and gun-toting his way into solving another case. In the first Beverly Hills Cop, Axel investigates an art dealer turned drug dealer. In Beverly Hills Cop II, Foley investigates an arms dealer turned robbery architect. "Would you lighten up and take some risks". Exactly.  

So OK, would I rank Beverly Hills Cop over Beverly Hills Cop II? Probably but as a follow-up, "II" holds its own, following the same blueprint as the first film but adding a little more flash and panache. Whereas the first flick's director (Martin Brest) opted for a slower pace and more concentration on a juicier screenplay ("Disturbing the peace? I got thrown out of a window!"), the late Tony Scott takes over the reins in "II", providing the audience with his signature fast tempo, scorched look, and glaring close-ups. The violence is louder, the lighting is harder, and LA is much smoggier this time around. "Are you driving with your eyes open? Or are you, like, using the force". Oh Eddie you slay me, you really do.

All in all, Beverly Hills Cop II has all the familiar cast members back (Paul Reiser, Murphy, John Ashton, Judge Reinhold), slipping into their fuzz roles like old, comfortable shoes. And the soundtrack like with the first "Cop" is tops, bringing back righteous ditties by The Pointer Sisters and good old synth monger, Harold Faltermeyer. So yeah, I suppose the only reason to not dig Beverly Hills Cop II is to believe it's worse because the initial Beverly Hills Cop came first. Get over it cause despite "II's" need to revel in all things facsimile, this "Cop" still "rocks". Natch. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome 1985 * * 1/2 Stars

HALF DOME

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome is about as visionary a film as you can get. I mean it may not make it to the revisited big screen but there it is, a third installment in the Mad Max franchise that revels in dusty landscapes and mucky, grubby caricatures, all bent on fulfilling their arid, dystopian requisites. "Thunderdome's" story, well it's a murky one, something about a place called "Bartertown", where Max Rockatansky (Mel Gibson of course) has to show off his "mad" fighting skills in order to impress "Bartertown's" ruler (Aunty Entity played by Tina Turner) to get supplies for his future endeavors. "Two men enter, one man leaves". Yeah you go Tina!

So OK, where would I rank Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome in the Mad Max canon? Probably in the middle I guess. Just like in the most recent Mad Max flick (Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga), director George Miller decides to venture into the world of storytelling. Um, that's not his strong suit mind you. Miller is the master of stunt work, the guy who can create "birds in flight" action sequences with almost no CGI. With "Thunderdome", he provides this action but probably needed a better editor, someone to sift out the droppings of the slogging second act, where Max is befriended by a bunch of grubby kids inhabiting an oasis called "Planet Erf" (what?). This second act, well it zaps Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome's momentum, preventing it from having any real, suspenseful heft by the time the final chase commences (and you know there's gonna be a final chase). "I can feel it, the dice are rolling". Are you sure about that bro? Are you?

All in all, "Thunderdome" is not a total loss. I mean see it for Tina Turner's molten screen presence and her hit ditty during the closing credits. See it for the always reliable Gibson, who despite being less "mad" this time around, fits the antihero role like a pair of worn out slippers. Finally, see it for George Miller's inspiration, all funked up for the punk crowd literally strung out, and on the outs. Like 1979's Alien is to Star Wars, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome is to well, Star Wars. Just take out everything pristine and unspoiled in this sci-fi sphere. "Beyond" control.  

Written by Jesse Burleson