Killers Anonymous 2019 * 1/2 Stars

Director: Martin Owen
Year: 2019
Rated R
Rating: * 1/2 Stars
Cast: Gary Oldman, Jessica Alba, Tommy Flanagan

"I just want you to know that I tried". That's probably the random thoughts of director Martin Owen in regards to 2019's Killers Anonymous (my latest review). Mr. Owen my man, you are a poised swaggerer. You probably "tried" way too hard.

Anyway, Killers Anonymous is about a support group for well, contract killers. Jessica Alba and Gary Oldman who have never shared the screen before, star in "Killers". Oldman looks like he'd be bored if he wasn't doing anything other than acting. Alba cloaked in lip scars, a bandanna, and tomboyish flair, barely registers in a cameo that she's probably too good for.

As for the rest of the cast of "Killers", well they are mostly cocky unknowns. Their characters bicker and brawl amidst each other with thick British accents and annoying, short fuses. Quentin Tarantino, Tony Scott, and Guy Ritchie made something similar to Killers Anonymous many many years ago. Martin Owen is trying to bring it all back. Owen should have listened to Johnny Mathis when Johnny exclaimed, "Too Much, Too Little, Too Late to try again".

Distributed by Lionsgate, filmed in modern-day London, and giving off a sort of fantasy-like, neon look, "Killers" is all style and no peaked "smile". The filmmakers had a lot more fun making it than the audience who has to sit through it. "Killers" has a broken narrative, some weird (showoff) camera angles, some Kill Bill-ed splatter violence, some hacky flashbacks, and some twists and revelations that are put in just for the heck of it.

Bottom line: Hitman movies seem as dated as compact discs, a beer no one drinks anymore, jelly shoes, or Tab (which you can find randomly at a dozen stores). Killers Anonymous is just another cinematic runt in that littered litter. Rating: 1 and a half stars.

Written by Jesse Burleson