film reel image

film reel image

Thursday, July 10, 2014


Call them "bombs" or "turkeys" or whatever, I like to refer to them as "duds." I mean, these are some of the most awful films I've ever seen. We're talking about 22-24 hours of my life that I'll never get back. Anyway, here's the list and their ratings in no particular order (they're all wretched so there is no need to rank them):

Talk Radio (1988) * 1/2 Stars 
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 80% 
Cast: Alec Baldwin, Eric Bogosian, Leslie Hope
Quote: "There's nothing more boring than people who love you."
My quote as a critic: "As an avid listener of the medium of talk radio (mostly sports talk), I found this film to be a horribly misguided interpretation of the subject matter. In Talk Radio, we see a radio shock jock who is not anywhere near what a real one would act like. We also get callers that don't sound anything like actual callers on a real radio show."

Admission (2013) * 1/2 Stars
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 38%
Cast: Tina Fey, Paul Rudd
Quote: "What's the secret of getting in? I can't tell you. You'll just have to find out for yourself."
My quote as a critic: "This is the most misguided, icky film of the year. Paul Rudd had to have been held at gunpoint to star in this disaster. The dialogue coming out of his mouth will make you cringe at an alarming rate."

Failure to Launch (2006) * Star
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 24%
Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Sarah Jessica Parker
Quote: "The tall one just got fired from Kinko's."

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003) * Star
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 42%
Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson
Quote: "You see, the key to this game is being able to read people."

Ride Along (2014) * 1/2 Stars
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 18%
Cast: Kevin Hart, Ice Cube
Quote: "Hey! You're white! You're white! You don't fight."
My quote as a critic: "With grating, inept dialogue, characters and situations that aren't believable or plausible, and good actors who play those characters and dent their reputations in the process, Ride Along is cinematic proof that Thanksgiving comes early in 2014. Translation: this movie is one big, giant turkey."
Click the following link to see the on-site review: Ride Along

Hard Rain (1997) * 1/2 Stars
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 25%
Cast: Christian Slater, Morgan Freeman
Quote: "Look! We just want the money! You guys can walk away. We won't kill you."
My quote as a critic: "Hard Rain is a robbery movie that takes place in a small town during a massive flood. The plot goes all over the place with unnecessary twists and turns. You really get the feeling that "Rain" just ran out of steam and the writers made up stuff up as it went along. You also really feel sorry for the actors especially Morgan Freeman."
Click the following link to see the on-site review: Hard Rain

Movie 43 (2013) * Star
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 4%
Cast: Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Naomi Watts
Quote: "Excuse me, I'm gonna do some Batman-ing."
My quote as a critic: "Every single star in the world participated in this "turkey" with dressing. They knew it was going to be bad when they signed up. Watching it, I felt that there was a sick joke being played on the audience. Awful."

Ishtar (1987) * Star
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 26%
Cast: Dustin Hoffman, Warren Beatty
Quote: "Either shoot me or lower your voice."

Howard the Duck (1986) * Star
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 14%
Cast: Lea Thompson, Tim Robbins
Quote: "That's it. No more Mr. Nice Duck."

The Incredible Shrinking Woman (1981) * * Stars
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 0%
Cast: Lily Tomlin, Charles Grodin
Quote: "Look mom, Disco."
My quote as a critic: "The Incredible Shrinking Woman is a collision of dark, dramatic science fiction undercut with felonious comedic overtones (the font of the opening titles might have been used later on in the flick Wargames). You watch in disbelief as scenes that are suppose to be funny, actually make you queasy."
Click on the following link to see the on-site review: The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Piranha 3DD (2012) * Star
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 13%
Cast: Ving Rhames, Gary Busey,
Quote: "Welcome to rock bottom."
My quote as a critic: "A movie that's bad and knows it's bad. It doesn't care. Result: straight to video."

Shark Night 3D  (2011) 1/2 Star
Rotten Tomatometer Score: 17%
Cast: Dustin Milligan, Joel David Moore
Quote: "I'm not just gonna sit here and watch him die, man."
My quote as a critic: "Shark Night 3D is possibly the worst film ever made. And you know things are bad when Jaws: The Revenge is quality cinema compared to it."

List compiled by Jesse Burleson

No comments:

Post a Comment