UN-BLESSED VIRGIN
I remember seeing 1991's Virgin High about two years after it was released. I also remember being somewhat amused by it. A doofus character named Zoomer, a late 80s neon look, the use of the word "poon", unrealistic carnal relations, a sense of goofball, juvenile innuendo. Virgin High is the type of movie that was destined to be shown on Cinemax at 4 AM. Was it a tad disposable at the time? Not fully.
Now over three decades later I decided to take in a viewing of "High" to decide whether or not I had the same feeling watching it as I did in my young adult years. I didn't. Virgin High isn't completely awful but it doesn't hold up in virtually any capacity. The film is not over the top enough to be camp. It's not raunchy enough to provoke chuckles. Finally, Virgin High isn't memorable enough to be some bonking-crazed cult pic. Watching "High" feels like you're seeing Saturday the 14th as a sex comedy, all cheap-looking sets, cheap-looking wardrobe designs, and cheesy background organ music. The movie knows it's mediocre, what with all the flimsy shenanigans and wannabe, offhanded humor going on.
As a flick about a dude and his buddies who try to infiltrate a Catholic boarding school to score, Virgin High gives us all those heightened, high school/adult stereotypes. You've got the overprotecting parents, you've got the prude, you've got the aroused nerds, you've got the testosterone bully, you've got the mindful nuns, and you've got the unpleasant female persona (you know the term I'm talking about). They all ham it up and the actors that play them, well you don't hear much from any of these people today. Oh wait Leslie Mann makes a cameo as "Squiggle" Girl. Hey, at least she escaped this mild monstrosity of cinematic penance.
Written by Jesse Burleson
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