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Wednesday, April 12, 2023

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys 2014 * * 1/2 Stars


"They only go after fish okay". Uh, not exactly. The eel-like vertebrates go after humans too while consuming their insides in 2014's Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

Watching "Blood Lake", you realize it's a horror thriller that piles on different ways in which denizens die from slimy, slippery funnel suckers. Question: will the dug up bodies of actors Shannon Doherty, A Christmas Story's Zack Ward, and Christopher Lloyd survive all this sensationalized bloodletting? Answer: you'll just have to wait and see. 

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys has a plot element that involves a wildlife sheriff butting heads with the mayor of a small town. Said mayor wants to keep the future meal tourists coming while said sheriff doesn't. If this all sounds familiar well I'll give you a prize cause Jaws had that same shtick going on back in '75. The only difference is that "Blood Lake" shows all the carnage in spades while Spielberg's hit movie most of the time keeps everything in check. I mean there's nothing Hitchcockian going on with the former.

Now did I establish Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys to be relentless, provokingly gory, and somewhat entertaining? I did to a point. I mean I found it alarmingly creepy that the lampreys could strike someone even if they weren't in water and just sucking on scarce, h2o fumes. 

And did I find "Blood Lake" to also be silly, choppily made, badly acted, and poorly locale-d? Yup, that's the unfortunate rub. Along with the characters constantly saying lamprey (which is an amusing word in itself), the film takes place in Michigan yet was shot in Cali (wha?). Note to filmmakers: I'm from Michigan and the Wolverine State may have basements but doesn't contain palm trees nor does it have big-arse mountains. Mixed "lake" effect.

Written by Jesse Burleson

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