Licorice Pizza 2021 * 1/2 Stars

SQUARE CUT 

The odd title of 2021's Licorice Pizza doesn't add up to much. Licorice Pizza the movie? Well it doesn't add up to much either. The film's blueprint involves a 15-year-old boy and a 25-year-old girl hanging out together in Southern California circa 1973. Why these two would ever have anything to do with each other or even be attracted to each other is well, beyond me. 

So yeah, Licorice Pizza is a comedy-drama that saunters and irks. It's like a series of random, "Me Decade" scenes that sort of taper off into the wind. The leads (Alana Haim, Cooper Hoffman) are not horrible, they're just dupes of automation. They begrudgingly do whatever Paul Thomas Anderson's implausible screenplay tells them to. 

Speaking of Anderson, well he's the director. Once the boy genius behind my favorite flick of all time (Boogie Nights), Paul Thomas Anderson has now regressed to the point of jumbled-ness. With Licorice Pizza, he dips back into the 70s again butchering the almighty cinematic form. There's no continuity, no lucid story, no scripted 411.

So OK, Anderson knows where to put the camera and yeah, his soundtracks are earthy and retro (this one is good but lacks a little freshness). Still, you can't help but wish PTA would spend two-plus hours on something more than a messy, bipolar character study. In truth, I was annoyed by Alana Haim's Alana Kane to the point where I wanted to shake the wishy-washy out of her. I mean what a royal pain in the butt. 

Per the last paragraph, I said that Licorice Pizza was a messy film. True dat. It could learn age-old wisdom from a tidy one. Licorice Pizza is also cock and bull film. I mean you'd have to believe that Hoffman's Gary Valentine could own a pinball arcade, successfully mack on a twentysomething, and manage a waterbed factory as a blackhead juvenile. Wha?? 

Add pointless cameos (I'm talking to you Bradley Cooper and Sean Penn) and fading personas whose plot threads add to nil and you have the movie equivalent of a failed competitor on The Gong Show. "Hold the anchovies". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Toying With the Holidays 2021 * * 1/2 Stars

TOY STORY

I reviewed many Lifetime movies circa the year 2020. Toying with the Holidays is my first Xmas write-up for good old '21. Christmas Day is getting closer so well, it's time again. 

Anyway Toying with the Holidays sort of "toys" with the audience. I mean it's not intentional but you figure the film could've been a tad shorter (I always thought Lifetime yuletide flicks clocked in at 90 minutes). A slow burn, cutesy drama that didn't really have anything at stake? Yeah I got through it. 

So OK, Toying with the Holidays follows the Lifetime holiday blueprint down to its nub. You got the two leads (male and female) who initially have conflict. You have one of the leads saddled with a relative who passed away. You have the same female lead going back to her hometown to predictably save Christmas. Lastly, you have that final smooch at the end which could've happened a heck of a lot sooner. I mean c'mon, just kiss the girl dude!

Toying with the Holidays is a December release that looks about as Christmassy as you can get. I mean every frame could be a postcard from the snowcaps of the North Pole. Watching "Holidays", you secretly wonder if the filmmakers decided to open up a year-long Noel shop between jobs. Heck, "ho ho ho" feels like a regularly scheduled thang.  

Taking place in a fictional town in Illinois and featuring two appealing actors (Chad Michael Murray, Cindy Busby) who I guess have perfectly placed hair, Toying with the Holidays takes the cheese factor and the wraith of Frank Capra and applies it to the concept of resurrecting old-world, model trains. Murray squints, Busby looks good in jeans, the town gets drowned in eggnog, and everybody lives happily ever after. My ka, well it got a full helping of saccharine and glace. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

The Card Counter 2021 * * * 1/2 Stars

FULL HOUSE

Paul Schrader has been writing and directing films for almost 50 years. He specializes in the irony, the trenchancy, and the moral ambiguity of his brute personas. With 2021's The Card Counter, Paul's exploratory stature ventures to the dark side. And saying Schrader is dark is like saying apples are roundish. It's just true. 

The Card Counter is a drama about playing cards and a whole lot more. It's a numbing, almost glacial viewing experience. It's like Rounders on downers with torture flashbacks. It's 2007's Lucky You where family ties are at a distance. It's Molly's Game but someone actually gets killed or threatened. 

"Counter" is about a gambler named William Tell (named after a folk hero, I looked it up). Tell is played by Oscar Isaac and he's got well, quirks. Tell goes from city to city and stays at hotels where he covers all the furniture with sheets (pictures get taken down too). Tell also drinks a different drink wherever he travels and mostly wins at the table. 

Tell is well, the quasi-antihero, a dude who's thorough but has an off compass. Isaac plays him quietly like a laconic force of nature. Oscar Isaac is the type of actor that you are drawn to and scared of at the same time. It's like Michael Corleone and George Clooney swapped bodies and then well, swapped back again. 

Anatomies begot, Paul Schrader creates a glitzy, sort of sterile character study around Isaac's Tell. And he puts actors like Tiffany Haddish and the boyish Ty Sheridan in Tell's almost sedulous pathway. At age 75, Schrader hasn't lost anything. Accompanied by Robert Levon Been's anesthetized musical score and cinematography that puts the racked extravagance of a casino right in your backyard, The Card Counter gives Schrader the gumption to provide more layers than your average wagered vehicle. You just knew the "odds" would be good. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

The Humans 2021 * * 1/2 Stars

HUMAN BEGRIME

"The Blake family bounces back that's what we do". That's good because the Blake family kinda has it rough. Everyone has lost their job (or is about to), one of the members has colitis (ugh), one is formally depressed with a trust fund on the way (five years away), and the mom is quote unquote, "eating her feelings" (ouch). The Blake clan (and the daughter's boyfriend) are chronicled in 2021's The Humans. 

So OK, The Humans is like an art house version of a holiday vehicle where everyone weighs up, bickers, and purges. Actors like Richard Jenkins, Amy Schumer, and Beanie Feldstein are well cast and they sort of look alike (that helps because their characters are well, related). They're natural on screen together and the dialogue for "Humans" is pretty much improvised and overlapping. 

So is The Humans avant garde for a slow burn Thanksgiving Day drama? You know it. And does "Humans" have a playful hint of a dwell-ed haunting? Maybe. And is the opening shot for "Humans" a doozy to end all doozies? Yep. 

The Humans takes place in a dingy Manhattan abode where lights continue to go off and pots/pans go bump bump in the night. Rookie director (Stephen Karam) fashions "Humans" as a pic where the camera is constantly peeking in or spying on these complicated, Blake household members. They are filmed chewing the fat (or turkey) in long shots, Steadicams, and wide shots. And that's even in the space of an enclosed, narrow apartment. 

Watching "Humans" is like having mediocre seats at a rock concert where you can obviously hear the music but don't get a great view of the performers. I mean I've never seen a flick shot quite like The Humans. The acting is good however and the remnants of strained, family dysfunction sneak up on you from a mawkish standpoint. I just wish the film's combo of masturbatory lens styling-s, human spectacle (natch), and purported horror came to a final fruition. "Humans" almost "being".  

Written by Jesse Burleson

The Power of the Dog 2021 * * * Stars

DOG EAT DOG

Jane Campion has done thrillers (In the Cut), comedies (Holy Smoke!), and dramas (The Piano). Now she tries her hand at Westerns with 2021's The Power of the Dog. Campion's eye behind the camera, well it sure is something to "behold" (no pun intended).  

So yeah, "Dog" is a pure, intimidatingly slighted Western piece. And its breadth and width need to be seen on the biggest screen possible. Sure "Dog's" plot about ranchers, sons, and wives via 1920s Montana seems a bit scatty. And at 125 minutes, the film tends to meander (what period drama doesn't?). Still, The Power of the Dog is old-world, wide-eyed, big-skied, and hauntingly yore-d. They don't make em' like they use to and if they did, they didn't look as good as this. 

The Power of the Dog is Jane Campion's ode to all things Terrence Malick and Paul Thomas Anderson. That's basically saying that the flick resembles 1978's Days of Heaven and There Will Be Blood. Every frame is well, a portrait. Every rack focus is um, a banquet (har har). Every pouncing note from "Dog's" film score is uh, soul-stirring. 

Campion's direction in "Dog" is impeccable as she commits to every shot. Look there's a wide angle of someone coming through an entrance at an old barn. Look there's a close-up of a key going in a keyhole. Look there's The Treasure State landscape in all its mountainous beauty. And look there's an extreme close-up of someone fiddling with the teeth of a comb. 

As for the performances in "Dog", well they are raw and subtle, a sort of motile tribute to the days of John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara. Benedict Cumberbatch, Kirsten Dunst, and Kodi Smit-McPhee star in "Dog" and they deserve some serious Academy Award consideration. They are part of a character study here and not characters that speed along "Dog's" quasi, green-eyed monster tale. 

Bottom line: The Power of the Dog is an enlightened, old-fashioned night at the movies. Despite its choppy narrative, non-sequential editing, and rushed, brief cutting, this "dog" will still hunt. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

A House on the Bayou 2021 * * 1/2 Stars

IN AND OUT HOUSE

"Did that old guy seem odd to you?" Yup. And 2021's A House on the Bayou "seemed odd" even for a sickened horror film. It's like a screenwriter stayed up all night drinking a six pack while thinking up ways to top him or herself. Straw Dogs meets The Skeleton Key meets Funny Games meets Get Out? OK just let me catch my breath. 

Anyway "Bayou" is upsetting, rutted, and obtuse all at the same time. The actors featured look bug-eyed, snaggletooth-ed, and well, long-faced too. Heck, at least the casting director got enough antipode lookers to add to the flick's apparent creep-o factor. 

So is A House on the Bayou scaring on its own merit? It appears so. And what's up with the inverted 80s synth score? And does "Bayou" have enough twists and turns to wear you to the nub? Oh you betcha.

"Bayou" is the type of psychological mind swell that begs for its director to just ease off the accelerator pedal. The cast consisting of unknowns give it their rawest all but for what (dangling loose ends I guess). The viewer while drawn, scratches their head multiple times. I mean two evil doers die like normal human beings and then come back to life like the bumpkins they are. And whatever happened to the black cat character who was a beloved pet? The snarky feline just probably wandered off. 

A House on the Bayou is about a miserable couple who bring their daughter to a getaway house in Louisiana. There they encounter two ruffians who want to hold them hostage and initially kill them. Oh and there's a satanic element involved (that's so voodoo of those marsh people). 

I wanted to love "Bayou" (I really did) but it doesn't know what it ultimately wants to be. Unseasoned helmer Alex McAulay yearns to pull the rug out from under you just for the sheer heck of it. He provides an uneven mix of phrenic horror, occult mush, and snaking thriller heap. The "house" doesn't always win here.

Written by Jesse Burleson 

13 Minutes 2021 * * * Stars

MINUTE MADE

The film title of 13 Minutes refers to the average time to seek shelter during a tornado. And what better setting to feature said tornado than that vortex's habitual stomping ground known as Oklahoma. "Auntie Em, it's a twister! It's a twister!" Indeed.  

So yeah, 13 Minutes is a disaster movie through and through. And even though its screen carnage only lasts about 300 seconds, the flick still reminded me of stuff like Earthquake and The Towering Inferno (just look at "13's" poster and you'll see what I mean). The tornado that enters 13 Minutes about an hour in, is a real doozy. You don't really see it from a distance but up-close the special effects are like a rocket. The way everyone dealt with being in peril, well it kinda shook me to the core. 

13 Minutes is technically proficient, character arc coincidental, and accurately passionate on how it deals with the aftermath and build-up of tornado ideology. The cast in "13" is mostly c-list but they do a pretty decent job. I mean the only persona that annoyed me was Peter Facinelli's Brad. Brad is like a parody of a weatherman with sketchy dialogue readings and a weak southern accent (Facinelli is a New Yorker for crying out loud). 

As something that was probably low budget and dated considering all the disaster porn that came out in the last twenty years, 13 Minutes is a mini triumph for rookie director Lindsay Gossling. Gossling creates a more human drama out of "13". Basically she establishes the characters (and their backstories) for a good amount of time and ditches the overuse of rumble and deafening CGI (yes I'm talking to you Into the Storm). 

13 Minutes is a nifty little ish thriller, a calamity-ed snapshot if you will. You get to know the lunch pail denizens involved, the funnel cloud hits, and almost everybody survives with resolutions looming. "13's" plot is peek-in minimal but I can't help but recommend it. That's my stand after 108 "minutes". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Too Late 2021 * 1/2 Stars

TOO BAD

"Comedians aren't really people". That's harsh. Well the comedians featured in 2021's Too Late aren't really funny either (I could care less about 7-Eleven, shroom, and/or yoga jokes). The laughs you see from the denizens in the audience are well, crocodile laughs.

Anyway Too Late is cinema's "latest" attempt to combine the funny (and unfunny) with hidden horror. Too Late's title, well it refers to a comedy club somewhere in present day Los Angeles. The film at a running time of 80 minutes (with 2-minute ads) is about a Borat-ed club owner who is a monster and eats mostly males (WTF). The club owner's assistant as petite lackey, begrudgingly helps him find his next tasty meal (someone preferably with pills, bourbon, coke, and nicotine in their system).

Too Late is a little indie, and little camp, a little low budget, and almost qualifies as a short (see last paragraph). The actors featured (voice-enhanced Ron Lynch, Will Weldon, Jack De Sena) are unknown one-offs and they appear in the flick's alternate reality where humans just disappear without a moment's notice. 

If you're an aspiring comedian, then Too Late will amuse you and your small circle of only friends' friends (let's hope that's not the case). If you're not a comedy person (that would defiantly be me), then Too Late is like attending a bad night of prosaic vaudeville at Zanies. 

All in all, the gore in Too Late is low-key special effects (except in the concluding, chest-bursting frames) and the love story element is a sort of twisted Greek chorus. You anxiously wait to see how Too Late ends but by then it's um, "too late". The movie is an artsy, amateur entry at a dank film festival where the patrons call it meh and just head out the back door. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Ghostbusters: Afterlife 2021 * * * 1/2 Stars

WHO YA GONNA CALL, AGAIN?

Ghostbusters: Afterlife has five kid actors carrying on the storied, Ghostbusters legacy. They do a solid job exhibiting spunky fortitude, coming-of-age slant, and some whimsy, Spielbergian moments. It also doesn't hurt to have the original specter fighters show up in the end (Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson, and um, Harold Ramis). 

"Afterlife" is a re-bunked sequel done with perspicacity. Gone is the thought of that unnecessary mishap that Melissa McCarthy gave us in 2016. Gone is the staunch overuse of slime a la 1989's Ghostbusters II. Added is a sense of nostalgia and a smack of fuzzy recollection. If you saw Ghostbusters in the theater circa 37 years ago (and I did), "Afterlife" will take you back. Rob Simonsen's almost identical film score to Elmer Bernstein's stuff from '84 just adds to it all. 

Ghostbusters: Afterlife changes its setting to small town Oklahoma. Don't worry. It still feels like a Ghostbusters film and at the same time, "Afterlife" is pretty much its own entity. The visual effects are indeed solid and that's saying a lot with a now small budget of $75 million. And oh yeah, there's a couple of car chases too. They're whiz-bang, brisk, and well, on a swivel. Heck, it's good seeing the Ecto-1 being flexed into high gear. 

As a Super 8ish follow-up that's directed by Jason Reitman (son of original director Ivan Reitman), Ghostbusters: Afterlife supplies tongue-in-cheek humor to smooth over the spooky just like in the original Ghostbusters (I didn't think that was possible here). 

As for "Afterlife's" strongest asset, well it's its first half which has some beautiful build-up. The last act consisting of Gozer, the Gatekeeper, and the Keymaster sort of copies '84's version scene for scene. Whatev. "Afterlife" is still a sound and solid, family film. Bustin' feels good once again.   

Written by Jesse Burleson

King Richard 2021 * * * Stars

KING'S COURT

2021's King Richard refers to Richard Williams. He's the pseudo architect behind the success of tennis greats Venus and Serena Williams. King Richard is not always about Mr. Williams though. It's about Venus too. Serena? Well she takes a back seat even though she's now regarded as the greatest female to ever swing a racket (something Richard declared circa 1994).  

King Richard is probably the greatest tennis movie ever. That's not saying a whole lot because I've only seen five of them and three have been bad (Jocks, Players, Wimbledon). King Richard is also light on its feet (no pun intended), has a pep in its step, and is full of jovial energy. The film could be a little more compelling however. I mean it doesn't reach those kinds of heights except in the first act (trying to practice some down-the-line shots in a seedy area of Compton, CA).

King Richard from a technical advisor standpoint, is pretty darn good. The tennis matches are well shot and you don't get that overwhelming feeling of CGI (remember Paul Bettany's Peter Colt trying to flex his forehand on those grass courts?). King Richard also blew me away with the casting of Saniyya Sidney as Venus Williams. Sidney's backhand looks pretty much identical to the one the actual Venus used to rip winners crosscourt. If you don't believe me just check the almighty YouTube. 

As a true story drama that would be worthwhile viewing for any aspiring tennis prod, King Richard feels somewhat unfinished even at 145 minutes. It doesn't really have a beginning and it ends about 3-4 years before the Williams sisters were ready to rule the tennis world. King Richard also suffers a little from being technically trite (I'm referring to the professional advice of the tennis teacher personas in the movie). Still, I can't help but recommend it. 

King Richard has great performances from three actors in Jon Bernthal (he plays tennis guru Rick Macci), Aunjanue Ellis (she plays Richard's wife Oracene), and Will Smith (he plays of course, Richard Williams). Smith is the standout here and deserves to be recognized by the Academy. He completely disappears into character just like he did in 2006's The Pursuit of Happyness. Heck, back then the Fresh Prince never stood a chance. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Apex 2021 * * 1/2 Stars

POINT OF ENTRY

"I'm bacon and eggs on Sunday morning." Those are the words of the Bruce Willis character, Thomas Malone. Somewhere a screenwriter is saying with glee, "yeah I nailed that one". 

Anyway 2021's Apex is an action thriller set in the future. The holograms and daylight-ed Blade Runner vibe gave it away. Apex is also an action thriller a la natural androcide. The main lead uses his wits and smarts to just let every man (or woman) kill each other off. 

So is Apex better than most of the crap Bruce Willis has been churning out for the past 8-9 years? Surprisingly yes. And is Apex decent despite Willis still not being able to act effectively anymore? Again surprisingly yes. 

Apex for all intensive purposes, is something else. It's the ultimate testosterone-filled, Mexican standoff. The cast (minus AARP-hinged Willis) is actually pretty good. Their mano a mano stature is highlighted by the lucid, antagonistic performance of actor Neil McDonough. He's cold, white as clear, and well, not crazy (so he says). 

Apex's ending is probably the only real lowlight of the film. You wonder how the Willis persona escapes an exploding house (I guess he was a hologram too). You also wonder how Bruce's Malone evades a bunch of savages wearing a red jacket in a forest (I mean seriously, WTF). 

Directed by Edward Drake (Cosmic Sin, Broil) and equally dialogue-driven as it is nastily violent, Apex is akin to stuff like 1994's Surviving the Game and The Hunt. I dug the banter between the marksmen who are basically screw loose and despise each other. I also dug the musical score by Hugh Wielenga that's equal parts techno, fermented, and well, creepy. 

Apex is about five, rich snobbish hunters who pay to hunt down a former cop who doesn't know how to die (Bruce Willis in monosyllabic mode). Willis doesn't do much but his stunt double sure does (shocker). Apex by definition, means high point. Well Apex the movie is a "high point" considering what low expectations I had for it.  

Written by Jesse Burleson

Survive the Game 2021 * 1/2 Stars

GAME OVER

"So much for no killing". Exactly. There's a lot of "killing" in 2021's Survive the Game. Some of it stings but in the end there's just too much of it (quantity over quality I guess). 

Now is Survive the Game a mess? Of course it is. There's plenty of fistfights where you can't see what's going on and editing of character actions where viewer POV is badly skewed. And is Survive the Game the type of shoot 'em up where the antagonists have to constantly explain themselves before doing any darn thing? Oh fo sho. 

Anyhow, "Game" has virtually no plot or no plot that is fully spelled out (look ma). And yup, co-star Bruce Willis is back in the saddle again, barely moving, collecting his million dollar paycheck, and begrudgingly getting out his lines (was there an earpiece involved? Maybe). Sure Willis spars a little with the bad guys but you know what, his stunt double probably did all the heavy lifting. You can tell.

Reminiscent of 2016's Standoff (another VOD endeavor) and directed by LA native James Cullen Bressack (Beyond the Law, Bethany), Survive the Game is about a drug mob who infiltrates a dude's farmhouse trying to leave no witnesses behind. "Game" is I suppose a pseudo Western or a mere parody of action thrillers. There's bad humor involved, a main black hat who looks like a 16-year-old, and plenty of slick cinematography that's drenched in its own slickness. 

And I might as well talk about the two car chases in "Game" since I'm on a roll. Bressack sets them up to some horrendous rap music, has them cut by monkeys, and basically shoots from just two slants. It's a bad couple of sequences and the low-angle patchiness is off the charts. Somewhere the great William Friedkin is laughing his arse off. And somewhere every critic is trying to "survive" what they just saw at 97 minutes (which feels like 2 hours). Natch.  

Written by Jesse Burleson

The Deep House 2021 * * * Stars

BREATHE DEEP

2021's The Deep House is my latest write-up. Dug this French-produced movie and the title, well it's pretty self-explanatory. 

So OK, let's not beat around the bush. The Deep House is a ghostly horror flick that will indeed give you the creeps. Its blueprint is a sadistic haunted house that lies meters down below a lake. Bona fide concept if I might say so myself. The lead actors are a little annoying at the beginning but you feel their suffering in the end. Yeah, for the majority of "House's" brief running time I was sent away with my knees knocking.

The Deep House is what you get when the films Paranormal Activity, The Blair Witch Project, The Descent, and 1989's The Abyss adopt a child. It's gotta be tough filming anything underwater and directors Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo go into the project with reckless aplomb. I'm thinking some professional divers did the diving and troupers James Jagger and Camilla Rowe did the emotive voice dubbing. If that's the case then those are some darn good dubs. 

"House" builds a lot of collywobbles throughout until it bogs down a little bit by the third act. Don't worry, it's not a huge oversight. The Deep House is not jolt-happy mind you, just flat-out eerie. Maury and Bustillo are almost Hitchcockian in their approach. What you're waiting to see scares you as opposed to thrusting the horror and anguish at you right off the bat. The underwater mansion is the star and minus some occasional jittery camerawork, its callous images and hostel environment really suck you in. All that and the main characters have to worry about their level of oxygen, their level of normality, and well, the concept of the bends. Yeesh. 

If you wait till after the closing credits, The Deep House provides one brief scene that you can interpret any way you want. By then I already had my recommendation in place. Safe "house". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

The Birthday Cake 2021 * * * 1/2 Stars

FROSTY

2021's The Birthday Cake is my latest write-up. The film's title refers to an actual cake that is taken to a memorial celebration. Said cake is also sort of metaphoric. I mean it's literally like an antagonistic co-star.

So OK, The Birthday Cake surprised me considering how much the other critics panned it. My question is how is this flick overlooked? Yeah it's mob-related and well, mob-licious. But it also plays out like a living nightmare, a sort of horror talkie if you will. 

"Cake" stars Shiloh Fernandez and he heads up a well-known cast of at least 5 people who appeared in Goodfellas (I'm not kidding). Fernandez is the anchor here and his screen presence is indeed bruising. It's like 1972's Michael Corleone appeared out of nowhere with well, a little facial hair. 

Speaking of Goodfellas and Mean Streets and um, Uncut Gems, The Birthday Cake is like a compact version of all three of them. Rookie director Jimmy Giannopoulos (I'll just call him Jimmy G) gets his camera right up in the actor's grills. His pace is frantic and claustrophobic as it feels like everyone is filmed in a freaking tin can. 

Ewan McGregor, Val Kilmer, Lorraine Bracco, and Luis Guzman are just a handful of side characters in Jimmy G's cowed, blistering vision. They're mere sycophants in the film's 93-minute running time but you like seeing them on screen anyway. Heck, it's good catching up with Kilmer considering what the dude has gone through. Val plays a mafia boss who I guess got shot in the throat and can't talk properly. In real life Kilmer suffered through throat cancer and uses a tracheotomy to get the words out. Man that's some mindful casting. 

All in all, "Cake's" only criticism from me is that the film is rather short with so many familiar faces fading in and out. I mean Shiloh's Gio is the only one that registers from a full, narrative standpoint. Oh well. Any snapshot of beastly thug life caught on camera is better than no snapshot at all. The Birthday Cake is the type of violent crime drama that gets under your skin and seeps into your bloodstream. For a little over an hour and a half, I had my "cake" and ate it too. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Antlers 2021 * * 1/2 Stars

ANTLER-SEPTIC

"All this has got to be an animal, right?" Sure buddy. Whatever you say.

Anyway 2021's Antlers is well, another creature feature. Its creature is a manimal which by definition, is a life form that's part human and part beast. It's like an ordinary dude turned into the alien from Alien, or a male Zelda Goldman, or the world's ugliest reindeer. Was I scared? Sort of. I mean there were those few jolts that made my heart skip.

Antlers is R-rated. It's R-rated in the same way that any horror flick is R-rated. Basically it's gory, ghastly, and gross. Scott Cooper directs and yup, he gets back to the grimy and grubby. What downtrodden Pennsylvania is to Out of the Furnace, Oregon is to Antlers. The ground is damp, the fog settles in, and characters make bad decisions right before they got offed by sharply branched horns.

Taking place in a small town via The Beaver State and filmed three years ago (COVID-19 had a lot to do with that businass), Antlers shows that even little kids perish in supernatural horror fare. The movie is about a frazzled school teacher who tries to uncover the secret behind her sickly-looking student and his mutation-ed father.

Antlers runs 99 minutes, still builds like it's 120, and features a forlorn ending. The film is all about atmospherics and disquiet and less about knotty mystery (that's Scott Cooper for ya). The musical score by Javier Navarrete is tops and the performances are unassuming, wind-sucking, and raw (especially Keri Russell who plays weathered English teacher Julia Meadows).

Bottom line: If you eliminate Russell's presence, the music, and Cooper's ground down mood from Antlers, you'd probably have one of the lesser scary pics out there. But you have those attributes so I'll extend Antlers the proverbial olive "branch". Natch.

Written by Jesse Burleson

Voyagers 2021 * * * Stars

LONG DISTANCED VOYAGER

Science fiction films tend to be more of the same and well, that's what I went into thinking when I was about to watch Voyagers. Thankfully I was pleasantly surprised. 2021's Voyagers breaks the mold or at least it intends to. It's knife-edge, intense, and gets all it can out of its $29 million dollar budget. It's been thirty years but we can now actually call a flick Lord of the Sci-Flies. 

So yeah, Voyagers blurs the lines of its PG-13 rating. There's some bloody images and nubile themes that may be a little too much for your normal budding youth. Coming from the enthusiastic mind of director Neil Burger (Divergent, Limitless), Voyagers has a pristine look and can actually wow you on the big screen (sadly it might be too late for that). With cinematographer Enrique Chediak on board and game, Voyagers is 2001-ish with some serious, Steadicam bliss. 

Taking place in the year 2063 and containing adequate set designs that are futuristic enough, Voyagers is the space-age version of "inmates running the asylum" (or not running, just rebelling). It's about a group of teenagers sent on a spacecraft mission to colonize a planet because the living conditions on Earth just ain't cutting it. 

Voyagers at a sufficient running time of 108 minutes, is basically cut from original cloth unless you count the 1990 film mentioned earlier (see first paragraph). Edited cleanly, stealth in its violence, and cast almost perfectly (Tye Sheridan, Lily-Rose Depp, and Colin Farrell are really good here), Voyagers only suffers from a pat and speedy ending that sort of wraps everything up in a nice neat bow. Whatev. It's about the journey here or should I say, the journey of 86 years from our planet. Voyagers revels in cinematic conflict as its characters let natural selection and vacuumed Darwinism weed itself out. Good peregrination. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It 2021 * * 1/2 Stars

DEVIL-MAY-CARE

I saw the first Conjuring flick and I thought it was meh. I've never seen the second Conjuring installment (aptly titled The Conjuring 2). Now it's Halloween and yeah, I might as well watch a little fright fare. Why not The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It. I mean why not. 

Anyway "Devil" is a modern-day horror pic even though it takes place in 1981. I say it's modern-day because it has those jump scares that are seen so often and don't really terrify you internally. There's also that MTV-style editing we see so much of in today's fear fest assembly line (in MTV's defense, they did start their inception in '81). 

Finally, there's that whole follow-up faze and revisiting of stuff from years past. Examples: The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It has an opening shot that feels like something out of The Exorcist. Added to that, the possessed dude in "Devil" looks like the possessed dude in Amityville II: The Possession (Sonny Montelli). And just for kicks and giggles, the afreet in "Devil" targets a family just like in those Paranormal Activity vehicles. Need I say more.

"Devil" is a June 2021 release that has the look and texture of an episode of Paranormal Witness. It chronicles the Warrens (who else?) as they investigate the demonic bewitching of a young, contortionist man who committed murder. "Devil" is directed by Michael Chaves, a sort of meat and potatoes filmmaker whose 3rd Conjuring is decently well-made and suitably plotted. Sadly though, we've seen this whole movie before (no pun intended). 

"Devil" is a sequel of a sequel that knows it's a sequel. It's a continuation of something prosaic, a new chapter of real-life paranormal investigators who just happen to stumble upon some more demonic mumbo jumbo. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga do a decent job in their Warren portrayals. But if what's on screen isn't bone-chillingly scary, there's no need to "conjure" up anything but a mixed review. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Dune 2021 * * * Stars

A DUNE DEAL

First Denis Villeneuve decided to piggy back on Blade Runner. Now he's doing an update of 1984's Dune. Hey bro, how about coming up with some original material. Ha-ha just kidding. 

Anyhow, 2021's Dune is pretty uncompromising. I mean why wouldn't it be. This 155-minute flick is very epic in scope. It's sometimes Kubrick-an and almost every wide-angle frame is like a portrait. Villeneuve's lens is as big as Texas and you expect the Sand People from Star Wars to eventually show up (I mean the movie is called Dune). You'll sometimes be wowed by what's on display but you'll also be a little head-scratched. 

In truth, I've never seen David Lynch's '84 version and I've never read the book on which the film is based (I don't read). So yeah, I'll just lay out Dune's plot and get it over with. Paul Atreides (a smothering screen presence in Timothee Chalamet) is the ducal heir of House Atreides. Paul must travel to an evil planet to ensure that the safety of his family and people is secure. Dune takes place in the way-out future (10,191 ad to be exact). It's a stoned, fever dream that feels like total science fiction manifest.  

Denis Villeneuve's vision is completely assured even if Dune's story-line has thighs and ankles instead of legs. Villeneuve's vision will also creep you out as he gives us sandy white tropes, dragonfly spaceships, wonted opening credits, a glacial pace, and Hans Zimmer's almost demonized film score. Heck, you know this is a Denis Villeneuve pic from the first darn shot. As with Arrival and Blade Runner 2049, Denis the menace is a creature of sculpted habit. 

All in all, Dune is not thinking man's sci-fi because well, it doesn't give you enough gumption to think. It starts somewhere in the middle and yup, its coda is somewhere in the middle too (I suppose that's why it's listed as Part 1). Whatever. Dune looks and feels like a million bucks (or $165 million if you're talking budget). There's a lot to admire here even if its disjointed narrative doesn't allow you to admire all of it. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Redemption Day 2021 * * * Stars

GOOD DAY

"The gentleman we are dealing with is crazy". OK, that's established. So why are you calling him a gentleman? Are you giving him credit for being a meshuggana?

Anyway Redemption Day is a thinking man's actioner with raw performances that only unleashes its action in the last half hour. Don't worry, said action still sticks. Oh and the brute one-liners and machismo are a hoot too ("I've been practicing on the weekends", that refers to shooting).

In Redemption Day, the protagonist (Gary Dourdan as Brad Paxton) becomes a veritable Chuck Norris with some visible badassery. Also in Redemption Day, the antagonist is a Christoph Waltz lookalike who doesn't have a nice bone in his body. He actually threatens a female character that if he doesn't get 10 million bones in ransom, he'll kill her and her unborn baby. Yeesh. 

Redemption Day is about a Marine who attempts to rescue his wife from a terrorist organization stationed in Algeria. The film while cleanly story-lined and gleamed in its lighting, is a slickster version of Zero Dark Thirty and Argo. Take heed though, "Day" doesn't have the Academy Award values of the flicks previously mentioned. It's more TV movie-influenced with some serious CNN remnants and a Call of Duty whiff. 

"Day" has a cast consisting of Andy Garcia (acting like well, Andy Garcia), Ernie Hudson (he's from my neck of the woods so I had to mention him), and Martin Donovan (acting like his normal, smarmy self). Redemption Day is also filled with long tracking shots, wide shots, a Mexican standoff, a head-scratching twist ending, and obligatory, thriller spy music. It's the type of film Micheal Bay would make if he was deciding to go art house. Whatever. Redemption Day is still worth "saving" for a midnight rental. It's okay to seize this "day". 

Written by Jesse Burleson

Halloween Kills 2021 * * * Stars

KILLS SHOT

Halloween Kills is a sequel of a sequel of an original of a sequel. Just kidding. But seriously though, "Kills" is the twelfth film in the Halloween franchise canon. Its story picks up right where 2018's Halloween left off. Halloween Kills, well it's an appropriate title. Michael Myers (the bad guy, duh) "kills" just about everybody in this flick. We're talking recurring characters, new characters, long-lost cameos, and paper mache denizens just waiting for the slaughter. He even comes off as an action star doing some serious Van Damage. "Evil dies tonight". Uh, not exactly (spoiler).

Halloween Kills is also made for the die hard fandom of Halloween franchise mongers everywhere (I'm kinda one of them). It bleeds nostalgia, weaving tons of persona arcs, new revelations, and story-lines from Halloween in Haddonfield circa 40 years ago. 

As a modern-day follow-up, "Kills" has huge intentions and grated enthusiasm. It doesn't want to be middle-of-the-road stuff (like tons of other direct-to-video swipe). Director David Gordon Green's vision rather, is to be faithful and further the origins of Halloween's fanciful notion from 1978. Heck, even Donald Pleasence shows up CGI-style (it's an impressive feat). 

Helmer Green goes a little 70s with a few zoom shots in "Kills". He also gives Jamie Lee Curtis a pseudo break from raged vengeance and lets Anthony Micheal Hall's Tommy Doyle get his angered revenge on (welcome back Gary Wallace). Halloween Kills doesn't have the most creative "kills" in the series (that honor goes to 1981's Halloween II). It's still pretty violent and the blood, well it flows like Merlot-d red wine. 

"Kills" is a decent combination of brains and well, brains (of the squishy kind). It's truly the dark second act of a trilogy that will give us Halloween Ends in 2022 (no happy ending here folks). Based on the box office take of these new Halloween endeavors, there's always more tricks to be treated. 

Written by Jesse Burleson