My Top Ten Movie Picks of 2016

1. Snowden * * * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "Overall, Snowden is heads and tails above Oliver's box office bomb Alexander, his weak sequel in Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, and his conventional World Trade Center from a decade ago. It feels like the flick he was born to make." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 61%

2. The Edge of Seventeen * * * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "Now make no mistake about it, The Edge of Seventeen is not some cutesy high school flick that is deemed appropriate for young teenagers. No this is a darker affair with various sweet moments kind of buried beneath the R-rated raunch and the R-rated angst. The writing is nevertheless crisp, the casting is almost spot-on, and there are some adequate character revelations." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 94%


3. Sully * * * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "Sully starts out mid-plot, starts out as non-linear, and feels a little draggy (no pun intended). It then turns to aviation while switching into high gear. So far it is one of this year's best films, a harrowing technical achievement, a fascinating recreation of events in the weakest of our economic times." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 85%

4. Fences * * * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "Fences is a talky picture, made somewhat for the stage with its extended group scenes and singular moments of standoff violence. Don't shy away though. This is still powerful stuff, with timed acting of the highest order." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 94%


5. Elvis & Nixon * * * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "Director Liza Johnson (2011's Return) and three screenwriters fashion something whimsical, something special, and something kind of offbeat with Elvis & Nixon. Nothing in frame seems to be taken too seriously." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 76%

6. Don't Breathe * * * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "Don't Breathe is bloodily violent and stomach-turning but not in a demon sort of way. Instead, it absorbs you as if you've been in the theater for 2-plus hours. It's a little movie made on a tiny budget (under $10 million) but it nestles in your brain and has a big chip on its shoulder. If you're a fan of suspense and like simple agog, genre pleasures, "Breathe" is the ticket." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 87%

7. 10 Cloverfield Lane * * * 1/2 Stars  My quote as a critic: "10 Cloverfield Lane with its bedazzling score, its claustrophobic setting eliminating plenty of storyline holes, and its 1950's bunker overtones, is an effectual, nerve-shredding thriller. It evokes Hitchcock, The Twilight Zone, and doesn't need extra images of monsters to invigorate you, the viewer." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 90%

8. War Dogs * * * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "War Dogs is a step above most cinema endeavors that have hit theaters in the "dog" days of August. Just call director Todd Phillips the surprising lovechild of 90's Scorsese and Andrew Niccol. The only difference is that he is not quite as self-serious." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 60%




9. Hell or High Water * * * Stars
My quote as a critic: "Hell or High Water is familiar stuff. Heck, if you've seen Public Enemies, Bandits, Point Break, or even 1986's Wisdom, you know what you're getting into. Oh well. Director David Mackenzie (Spread, Starred Up) does an admirable job to boot. He creates a world in which "High Water" feels like the type of flick the Coen brothers would have made years ago. It's bullets and blood undercut with a little darkness, a little tongue in cheek humor, and shades of a modern-day Western." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 98%

9. (tie) The Confirmation * * * Stars  My quote as a critic: "The Confirmation despite being a little too dogged and small scale, is still a winner much of the way. With facile chemistry between the leads, it's more entertaining and less arty than most independent flicks." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 91%


10. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story * * * Stars
My quote as a critic: "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is sumptuous, gritty, unwashed, and beautiful. It's like cinematic, Empire perfume for it truly stinks pretty. Granted, this isn't a Star Wars endeavor that will bring out the kid in you. This is more attuned to the adult or young adult for that matter." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 85%




Honorable mention: Manchester by the Sea, Bad Moms, Eddie the Eagle, Hacksaw Ridge, Hail, Caesar!, Nerve, The Take. These are good films that didn't quite make the cut.

And the worst...

1. Undrafted * Star
My quote as a critic: "Undrafted is about a crass, intramural team trying to win a meaningless, seven inning game. Supposedly, it is based on a true story involving the director's brother (John Mazzello). Real-life Johnny boy failed to make the Major League Baseball draft. If this is an admiral tribute to him, well then you can just call me the veritable Cal Ripken Jr." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 17%

2. Precious Cargo * Star
My quote as a critic: "Precious Cargo has villains in it that don't shoot straight, a typecast Bruce Willis who gives yet another ho-hum performance (he seems to play the heavy a lot these days), and tongue-in-cheek interludes that are truly out of sync. Added to that, the acting is beyond poor with shootouts that are stupidly violent." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 0%

3. Exposed * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "When its best performance is given by a washed-up, recluse rapper (Big Daddy Kane), you know the proceedings are in trouble. When its opening sequence takes forever and sets a bad precedent for what lies ahead, you know the proceedings are in trouble. And finally, when its director doesn't want to reveal his (or her) actual name, you know the proceedings are in trouble. Exposed can easily be renamed, Excruciating." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 5%

4. The Darkness * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "The Darkness with a budget of $4 million, is a Poltergeist I and II wannabe, a feeble account of the supernatural. Its director is Wolf Creek's Greg McLean. In between moments of not being able to hold his camera steady, McLean also sets up sequences in which things go bump in the night. It's all for show and not even for effect. He actually tries to frighten his audience by having stuff about demons explained on YouTube (coupled with some standard, background music). Talk about a desperate attempt." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 4%

5. The Boss * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "Edited in a slipshod manner by Craig Alpert (he chopped Ride Along and The Sitter), taking place in Chicago with a lazy, pedestrian-like use of its locales, and containing a scene in which the leads pet each other's breasts for three minutes straight (excruciating), "Boss" is not even offensively funny. It's just plain offensive." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 22%

5. (tie) Blair Witch * 1/2 Stars
My quote as a critic: "So OK, Blair Witch (my latest review) is the direct sequel to The Blair Witch Project. It is made for more money, it is indisputably made to be more modern, and it is more tech-savvy. No matter. 2016's "Witch" lacks the intensity, extremity, and psychological warfare that made 1999's "Project" such a worldwide financial success. It takes the worn out path, reveling in systematic jump scares that are drawn up out of thin air. Translation: "Witch" is sadly, half hitch." Rotten Tomatometer Score: 35%

Written by Jesse Burleson

Edge of Winter 2016 * * 1/2 Stars

Director: Rob Connolly
Year: 2016
Rated R
Rating: * * 1/2 Stars
Cast: Shaun Benson, Shiloh Fernandez, Joel Kinnaman

Hello all movie lovers. Edge of Winter is my latest review. It's a 2016 release and now that it's 2017, I still tend to write about a few holdovers from the previous year. That's until stuff like Sleepless opens up via January 13th. Anyhow, I wanna talk about "Edge" and my mixed assessment of it. Here's what I came up with:

Edge of Winter concludes very abruptly. You sort of wish for ten more minutes of variably taut screen time. The opening interaction between cast members, feels like 2005's War of the Worlds. The final sequence can't wait for the closing credits to appear fast enough. This vehicle fiercely represents the coming of Joel Kinnaman's finest performance. You don't quite know why he goes perpetual psycho towards "Edge's" final half hour. Nevertheless, I've always thought of his acting style as dry and mundane, with a hint of palatable screen presence. Here, his nerve endings and realistic demur come out. Just think of a more subdued Jack Nicholson from The Shining.

Edge of Winter is kind of like The Grey without wolves. The cold temperatures, the isolation, and the peril that the young actors go through (they play Kinnaman's trouper's kids) will at times, creep you out. This is a well-acted film, a character study, and at times, an evenly-paced thriller to boot.

With so many straight-to-video flicks coming out, "Edge" rises slightly despite the fact that it might be too underdeveloped to garner a recommendation. It has the feel of an independent pic. Then, it eventually veers into Redbox territory with wonted movie poster in tote. At 89 minutes, I thought to myself, what is "Edge's" ultimate conflict or resolution? Furthermore, I was trying to figure out the reason for Kinnaman's Elliot Baker to turn so psychobabble, so off the reservation if you will.

Anyway, Edge of Winter's premise involves an estranged dad watching his young tykes (for a weekend) to the dismay of his snippy ex-wife. They are moving to London and he fears that he'll never see them again. From a circumstanced plot point, daddy and the boys go out in the middle of nowhere to practice rifle shooting. As they try to leave, their truck gets stuck in the snow and they have to survive in a remote cabin until help comes in any form. Rob Connolly's direction here is standard, with intermittent shots of the clouds, the moon, and snowy treetops. "Edge" builds to a decent climax only to slightly go off the rails. The basic gist is this: You think you know your good old pops but guess what, ya don't.

In terms of location, well Edge of Winter was shot in Ontario, Canada. It takes place I'm thinking, in the backwoods of snowy Massachusetts. Heck, that's what the license plates on two propped trucks led me to believe.

In conclusion, Edge of Winter according to its wiki page, is I guess cut from original cloth. There's a murder, an equated level of father dominance, and a scene where two people fall through gleaming ice. Whether its outcome is good or bad, "Edge" is adequate, midday viewing that's nothing to anxiously write home about. With a longer running time, a more morose background story, and an attention to a moviegoer's perceptive acumen, it could have been so much better. Rating: 2 and a half stars.

Written by Jesse Burleson

31 2016 * * Stars

Director: Rob Zombie
Year: 2016
Rated R
Rating: * * Stars
Cast: Sheri Moon Zombie, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Malcolm McDowell

31 is my latest review. Directed by rocker-turned-shocker Rob Zombie, it's twisted, dark, and bloody. Heck, it's what you've come to expect from the guy whose own childhood involved seeing someone getting their head bashed in at a carnival riot. Always the trepidation hound, Zombie goes grainy, using freeze frames and throwing elements from The Running Man, The Warriors, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre into a cinematic blender. This helps him justify 31's running time of 102 minutes. In the Rob Zombie film canon, I would rank this thing higher than The Devil's Rejects but far lower than Zombie's underrated classic, House of 1000 Corpses.

Taking place during Halloween (that might be where 31's title came from) and filmed on location in Los Angeles, CA (I thought it was Texas), 31 has all the necessary elements for a Rob Zombie concoction. He loves the 70's so you gotta have the appropriate tunage from that era ("Walk Away" by the James Gang opens things up). Then you gotta include Zombie's penchant for sadistic violence and cocky torture along with his need to create a funhouse-like atmosphere. Finally, you gotta incorporate the actors/actresses that he likes on his template. Malcolm McDowell, Welcome Back, Kotter's Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Judy Geeson are all featured in 31's supporting roles. Oh yeah, did I mention Rob digs the 1970's? Mmm hmm.

Anyway, 31 has a couple of its villains dress up like extras from the period drama, Barry Lyndon. And Zombie's trouper wife (Sherri Moon Zombie) gets to play the protagonist and/or girl in peril for a change. Towards 31's conclusion, she looks like a bloodied up Marilyn Burns from "Texas Chainsaw" circa 1974. She appears exhausted and you the viewer might feel the same way (that's exhausted, not elated).

The opening ten minutes of 31, involve a few unlikable denizens riding in a bus, chatting about weed and sex and such, and looking for their next gig as full-time carnival workers. These ten minutes are a clear homage to Tobe Hooper's opening sequence a la The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. While they are traveling down a dirt road, they run into a roadblock with what looks like scarecrows and other Halloween-themed structures. As they get out of said bus, they are attacked and taken to a remote building. There, a game is played that will last about twelve hours. The helpless workers are put in rooms that appear to look like mazes. They have to fend off evil characters with names like Sick-Head, Psycho-Head, and Death-Head. Lots of chainsaws, knives, and other weapons are involved in these gladiator-like battles. The Mamas and the Papas, The Wolfman Jack Show, Ludwig van Beethoven, and Lynyrd Skynyrd all play in the background. Oh Rob, you scallywag!

Now as mentioned earlier, Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses really shook me upon first viewing. In my book, it remains his best movie to date. Watching "Corpses", I realized that Rob Zombie would never make a flick this manically effective ever again. I was right. For various reasons, 31 just doesn't have the same upshot as something like House of 1000 Corpses. Yeah it has nasty dialogue spoken by the antagonists (most of it pertains to rape and assault), lots of decomposed bodies, standard torture porn, and non-stop bloodletting. However, 31 doesn't come off as fresh, or original, or groundbreaking, or radical. Instead, it feels like an excuse for Zombie to make yet another horror vehicle that probably won't get much of a nationwide release anyway. Flaunting his main plot point as a savage game of life or death, Zombie has clearly run out of ideas to make you squirm. And what's worse, he kinda holds back which is rare for the same dude whose bloodcurdling voice belted out "Thunder Kiss '65" (ha ha).

In conclusion, 31 isn't awful but let's be honest, there's at least "31" reasons to see something else in the fright department. Rating: 2 stars.

Written by Jesse Burleson

Why Him? 2016 * 1/2 Stars

Director: John Hamburg
Year: 2016
Rated R
Rating: * 1/2 Stars
Cast: James Franco, Bryan Cranston, Zoey Deutch

Dad lives in Michigan. He is close with his college-bred daughter who attends Stanford University. Said daughter is dating an older man who is rich, littered with tats, and overly eccentric (basically he's a whack job). Daughter has already had sexy time with this older man. Daughter for some faux reason, is in love with him. Dad gets invited to Cali (during Xmas) to meet the chap. He brings his 15-year old son and his wife of 27 years along for the ride. Daughter's boyfriend (and possible, future husband) lets him stay at his house containing farm animals, edible paper, and an all-too-personal version of Siri (voiced by "Big Bang" vixen Kaley Cuoco). Chaos ensues. You know, it's the old, familiar adage of daddy's girl being too good for the guy she's with.

So OK, this is the gist of Why Him? (my latest review). "Why" this movie you ask? Well it does have a few moments. Otherwise, it feels a skit or a running joke that goes on for way too long. "Him?" is the film equivalent of splashing paint thrown on a wall. That doesn't mean you can call it art. Also, you could deem this thing a cinematic, polished turd with too much Pledge used on it. There's the obligatory (and cringe-inducing) toilet humor scene. There's the barrage of F-bombs that could probably fill two or more R-rated movies. There's the overacting or improvisation overload by actors who should know better. Finally, there's that cameo at the end by legendary rock band KISS. Boy does it sick. It's probably one of the worst things I've ever seen. Between Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley, they speak a total of four lines. Gene mumbles his dialogue by saying, "did you get laid?" Shoot, he probably got paid thousands of dollars for that one pathetic day on set.

Anyway, Bryan Cranston plays the lead in "Him?". He's Ned Fleming, a fifty-something and disapproving dad (of two) who runs a printing plant in Grand Rapids. Mr. Cranston has been nominated for an Academy Award. Mr. Cranston has won multiple Emmy Awards. The question I have to ask is, did he actually read the script for Why Him? Just curious. And then there's his costar, James Franco. He plays Laird Mayhew, the guy who Ned thinks should stay the heck away from his daughter (and for good reason). Franco is a decent actor who knows how to throw himself into character. Heck, I thought he should have gotten some critical acclaim with 2012's Spring Breakers. Now did he bother to read the sloppy script for "Him?" as well? Obviously not. Lastly, there's Zoey Deutch. She plays Ned's daughter Stephanie and the sweet girlfriend of Laird. As an actress, this cliched, raunch fest isn't really her fault. She's just a pawn because her lines are pretty normal. Can't say the same for Megan Mullally of Will & Grace fame. She channels Ned's lackadaisical wife. There's a scene where she gets stoned and tries to get it on with Ned by putting him in a leglock. In a cast meeting, this would probably only look good on paper.

The director of Why Him? is Brown University graduate, John Hamburg. In 2009, he made a darn funny movie titled I Love You, Man. In "Man", the humor flowed freely and the comedic element didn't feel forced. With "Him?", Hamburg tries to sledgehammer you, tries to bludgeon you with laughs. There's some amusement a half hour in. After that it goes on and on and on and on and well, on. My rule with earthy comedies is keep em' short, not 111 minutes long. Only Judd Apatow could pull off these types of flicks with exceeding running times (Knocked Up and This Is 40 come to mind). Hamburg, not so much.

In conclusion, if somebody came up to me at anytime and asked me if they should see Why Him?, I'd tell them what I'm about to tell you the reader. I'd say, "why" on earth would you, "why" no, or just "why?" Rating: 1 and a half stars.

Written by Jesse Burleson