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Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Daylight's End 2016 * * Stars

Daylight's EndDirector: William Kaufman
Year: 2016
Rated NR
Rating: * * Stars
Cast: Johnny Strong, Lance Henriksen, Louis Mandylor

Hello all movie lovers. Here is what might have went down during a fictional meeting between some people involved in Daylight's End (my latest review):

William Kaufman (director): Hey guys, I'm so glad you are all here. I just made a film called Jarhead 3: The Siege. Yeah it's a sequel to a movie from 11 years ago but hey, its got Dennis Haysbert in it. As you know, he's the Allstate dude and he killed it in Heat and Major League. Anyway, how about doing a zombie movie. Everybody loves a zombie movie. We could have Chris Cornell do the theme song guys. Man, I'm feeling this.

Johnny Strong (lead actor): Man I'm really feeling like Chris Cornell needs to retire. The 90's called and they want his grungy hair back. What a toad.

Everybody in the room: (Laughter) Ha ha, ha ha.

Chad Law (writer): By the way, take note that I wrote Jarhead 3.

Kaufman: Chad, we already know this. You don't have to remind everybody.

Law: Sorry but hear me out. My mind was buzzing when I came up with that script. If we do a zombie flick, I'm on board. Heck, that's easy to write. I'll just recycle bits and pieces from other zombie flicks. There's so many of them. Zombieland, 28 Days Later, Cell, World War Z. Oh man this is gonna be fun.

Production head for Throttle Films: Cell had a hook with the concept of wireless servers. I thought it was decent at a screening I was at. What's your hook Chad?

Law: No hook, I'll just have a lot of visceral gunfire. I'll make the actors and actresses use silencers to kill those pesky zombies. Bill, what about bringing in Lance Henriksen as a cast member? It just came to me. That guy was badass in Aliens and The Terminator. We'll pay him a little dough and then hire some unknown troupers to back him up.

Kaufman: Gee, thanks for letting me finally have the floor. Yeah, that could work. I don't want to spend too much money on this thing though. If it's poorly lit, so what. There will be plenty of action and bodies spewing blood. The audience will forgive me.

Production head for Throttle Films: I don't know guys. Can't we just think of something else as a backup plan. I don't want this thing to go by way of direct-to-video. I want it to reach theaters all over the world. You know what I mean.

Law: It will if we get Brad Pitt on board. That could definitely work. Can we?

Strong: Dude please. Pitt is gonna cost millions to cast. I was gonna headline anyway. I got this. Oh yeah, I have already composed a musical score to our zombie adventure. I'm an actor, I'm into martial arts but remember, I'm also a musician too.

Kaufman: That's true. And he's good looking not to mention the fact that he was in The Fast and the Furious.

Image result for daylight's end movie scenesStrong: Thanks Bill.

Kaufman: You're welcome

Law: I'll get the script going. This is gonna be awesome. My favorite film is Assault on Precinct 13. Can I incorporate elements of "13" with what we're doing here? God, this could rock guys! I could change the landscape of zombie films. Holy crap! Can we get started?

Kaufman: Slow down Chad. Wait till the meeting is over.

Production head for Throttle Films: Chad, could you at least write an original screenplay this time? Characters shouldn't have to say, "he's right, this could be our only chance" or "what are we gonna do now?"

Law: Sure. No prob. I'll make it totally original. I'm in the process of writing four more scripts along with this one. I may be from Indiana but I still got those Hollywood chops.

Strong: Whatever Chad. No one gives a rat's butt where you're from. So Bill, I'm gonna write the music yes?

Kaufman: Yeah sure.

Strong: And you said I could direct some dream sequences in your next film. You said I could. Am I not wrong?

Kaufman: Yeah, I know. I'll stick by my word.

Strong: You also said you'd make me a producer Bill. You've got to.

Kaufman: Okay okay, you get a producer credit. Jeez.

Law: This is so exciting. Clint Eastwood did his own music and he was the star of Gran Torino. Johnny, you are the man.

Strong: I know Chad. You don't have to tell me like you do on a regular basis.

Production head for Throttle Films: What are we gonna call this zombie endeavor? What's left for a title?

Law: Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse!

Strong: Already been used you idiot.

Kaufman: How about Dallas of the Dead since we're filming in Texas.

Production head of Throttle Films: I don't know. Sounds too obvious.

Strong: What about Zombie Strong. After all, I am the star.

Kaufman: I don't know Johnny.

Strong: Bill, come on. I'm the star. Don't I get a say in this.

Production head of Throttle Films: Johnny, don't let this film be an ego trip for you. You're already headlining, you're doing the music, and you're a producer.

Strong: So. Why is this nitwit here? Isn't there another suit to take his place?

Kaufman: Johnny relax. I've got the perfect title. Daylight's End. It rolls off the tongue. We gotta go with that.

Law: Heck yes. I love it.

Strong: Chad, we didn't ask for your opinion. You need to check yourself. You better write a decent screenplay this time. You don't wanna ruin my career, right?

Law: I won't Johnny. Don't worry about it. I got your back bro.

Strong: You better.

Kaufman: So guys, Daylight's End. Should we go with that?

Production head for Throttle Films: I'm not sure guys. I could lose my job over this. Another zombie vehicle with only Lance Henrikson as a known commodity?

Strong: Are you serious? Don't disrespect the Strongster. Man up you simpleton. Grab your balls and let's get going.

Kaufman: Let's do this.

Law: Damn right.

Production head for Throttle Films: How's about an April of 2016 release.

Strong: Whatever. And I better get paid.

Kaufman: Sounds good. What's our budget?

Production head for Throttle Films: Not a lot guys. Make the effects look decent and not fake.

Kaufman: Gotcha.

Strong; Fine.

Law: Aye, aye captain.

Strong: Dude, shut up!

Law: Johnny, stop.

Strong: I'm serious. Shut up.

Kaufman: You two stop it. Okay, it's a deal. Let's make a movie.

Rating: 2 stars.

Written by Jesse Burleson

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