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Monday, January 17, 2022

Amityville Uprising 2022 * * Stars


"Let's move". Roger that. People say it a lot in the pic I'm about to review. When zombies are around you might as well do just that, move. Zombies, acid rain, and a character named Childs. That's a nod to 1982's The Thing. I picked up on it.  

So yeah, 2022's Amityville Uprising is listed as part of The Amityville Horror franchise. Guess what, it has absolutely nothing to do with haunting-s or the Ronald DeFeo Jr. murders or whatever. "Uprising" is more like Assault on Precinct 13 with the walking dead forcefully attached. Zombies have been in other movies forever and along with the gore displayed in "Uprising", they've also been known to snap to it like banshees. 

Amityville Uprising stars unknown actors who are almost primed to make this film an SNL parody. If "Uprising" didn't have the Amityville tag or had better production values or a cast that weren't D-lister-s, it might've sparked my interest a little more. One moment "Uprising" christens itself as a passable, low budgeted indie. Other times it looks as though it was made as a student film by some arts and crafts people (ugh). 

Anywho, "Uprising" is unevenly shot, cut feverishly, and edited in a show-off manner. The special effects and first half of Amityville Uprising are bad I mean Holocaust bad. The zombies show up 45 minutes in and add at least a little street cred. I mean who wouldn't want to see a swooping corpse do the "spider walk" in the styling-s of The Exorcist. I'm up for anything. 

Clocking in at 85 minutes and featuring an annoying female character who constantly gives everybody crap for not being able to pay for a standard ticket, "Uprising" is part unintentional comedy, part cop buffoonery, and part B-movie horror swipe. It ends abruptly and unhappily, not knowing what it wants to be or what it really wants to say. Hey, at least the witchcraft-ed energy is still there. I got a mixed "rise" out of it. 

Written by Jesse Burleson

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